“There Are No Words.”

One year ago today I started my day just like every other day. I checked in on my daughter. She was sleeping so I did not disturb her and left a note I had written her on her pillow . As I got into the day it just worked out that I did not text her. Not common for us, but it happened from time to time. On my way home I received a frantic call from my wife that permanently altered this world. Lauren “LaLa” had died!

The most common statement I’ve heard when people discover that our daughter Lauren had died of a carfentanil laced heroin overdose is “I have no words”!

As our family is one year into this sad journey, there still are not enough words to try to explain the past twelve months. There have been moments of the deepest darkness of soul that you could never imagine and there have been, thankfully, far more times of us stumbling into Gods comforting embrace, as well as each other’s. In all we still feel the pain. In the later two we are strengthened to know we are not alone.

We have made decisions along the way that have helped us:

• We realize that we have a choice of sliding deeper into the darkness or stretching to reach Christ’s comfort.
• We realize that like someone who has lost a limb … Lauren is not coming back … but we must give ourselves permission to adjust to life with an important part of “us” temporarily missing.
• We must understand that the same hope we have, in Christ, of seeing Lauren again – because of the amazing things God did in LaLa’s life the last 2 and a half weeks of her life – is the same hope and power that supports us as we attempt to learn to live life, in our loss, with joy and fullness. At this moment those words are hard to write but Gods promises are not just for another world.

When facing life’s confusing and sometimes painful events, I always look for a verse or story from the Bible I can relate my circumstance to … I find it comforts me, teaches me, and encourages me.  Very soon after Laurens death, God placed a verse on my heart that I have embraced many, many times:

Psalm 139:12 … “ To you (God) the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you (God).

What an encouragement to Nereida, Evan and I to know that even in this most painful experience – where occasionally the darkness is crushing – we can lean on a Savior who is greater than our greatest darkness and who will be our strength.

We know that so many of you have prayed for us, sent encouraging cards and stood silently with us. We are grateful and ask for your continued prayer and support

We are trying to find ways to comfort others facing the kind of turmoil great loss, mental health and addiction disorders bring to families. Nereida will be hosting a group called “Grief Share” at our church to help folks facing the loss of a loved one in the fall. I will be starting a group helping families that love someone who lives with a mental health or addiction disorder. And today we have launched a blog called “We Chose Love”. It is just in its infancy, but we felt it would be nice to start it on the anniversary of Laurens going to Heaven. We will be posting once a week and occasionally post a video. Our hope is that we will be able to encourage families that have a loved one living with a mental health or addiction disorder. We also want to provide families resources that may save time in the sometimes confusing race to get effective care and help families make their own choices and decisions regarding the best way to help their loved ones.

Thank you again for your love and support.