Brighter Days

“Brighter Days”, that’s the name of todays featured image. It was created by one of my top two favorite conceptual photographers Brooke Shaden. Brooke often integrates her desire to know and understand God into her images. The thought, that our future can be brighter, is what those suffering with a SUD (Substance Use Disorder) and their families must hold on to. It is the truth, no matter how dark your days may be now, your future can be brighter.

The image to the left is one that has always birthed hope in my heart. While we were in the middle of the upheaval of Lauren’s mental health and addiction battles, seeing this image always engendered the feeling that things would get better. I remember very clearly the Christmas this was taken. Lauren was very excited about it; she really enjoyed Christmas. From a very early age she figured out and asked us only for cash, realizing she could get more bang for the buck with all the after Christmas sales. This specific Christmas was a real event for Lauren. She did her hair, perfected her make-up, and of course, selected a beautiful outfit, properly accessorized, with a “pop of color”, as she always put it. In this image, out of frame, that pop of color was a bright dark fuchsia nail polish. I am not sure what year this was, my guess is that it was Laurens Senior year in High School. That was before she realized she was addicted, and possibly before she even started using heroin. I do know for Lauren it was a very happy Christmas. Quite some time later, shortly before she passed away, Lauren shared with a friend how great it felt to not use on the last Christmas of her life. I was very proud of her for that.

This is one of the great qualities that make the Christmas Story wonderful: HOPE!

One of the books of the Bible that tells the Christmas story is called Luke. In the story an angel announces the coming birth of the Savior and proclaims “Fear not, for I bring you good news”… . That good news was: “For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord” Luke 2:11.

If you are fighting an addiction disorder, I know a big question/fear is the ability to even imagine life without drugs. It seems impossible. Maybe you can’t even remember life before drugs, but it is possible to live free from drugs, you can do it, “Fear not”. Make the choice to try.

If you love someone with an addiction “Fear Not”, brighter days are ahead. I know that in the midst of the unsettling life addiction brings there may be doubt in your heart, but don’t give up, keep motivating your loved one, keep being, that lone positive voice in their chaotic world, and keep believing for the best for them and your family.

The other day I was thinking about the overwhelming issues facing a family in the bedlam of addiction. Below are very broad, non-technical steps in the journey to recovery and wellness.

Get the addiction under control. This is the first step, and often this is a life and death choice. It’s about keeping your loved one or yourself safe.

Manage the Current Practical Issues. With a long history of drug use lots of baggage is picked up along the way. A plan must be put into place to slowly address these issues. I say slowly because of the sheer magnitude and amount of them. This includes: finding a positive, and encouraging environment to live in, legal issues, medical complications, work, and more. The important thing is to get started with a plan for progress.

Manage the Underlying Issues. Start to learn about and understand the drivers of the addiction. It could be anxiety, depression, or a number of other mental health issues, and non-mental health issues. Learn about them and how it affects you.

Build Coping Skills. At its root, addiction is an unhealthy effort to cope with the junk life throws at us, and there is always plenty of it to deal with. Once the brain is cleared of the effects of long-term drug use these skills must be learned and implemented for permanent recovery. Today young people are starting to use serious drugs very early. This has a huge impact on the brain, especially in the frontal lobe, the area that impacts our judgement. Lauren was greatly hampered by this because she began experimenting with drugs very early in her life, probably seventh, eighth or ninth grade. That choice literally hijacks your brain and ultimately will take you places you really don’t want to go. Here is a link to a very helpful article addressing how you can reverse these effects on the frontal lobe caused by drug addiction and many other issues we would be surprised about. Don’t let the title of the article throw you.

Build Life Skills. One of the most painful parts of trying to help LaLa was trying to help her see that she could get back on course. She was very excited about going to School for Radiology in September 2017, and so were we. We saw it as a new chapter for her.

Its obvious that the road to recovery takes time, what is important is to focus on what ever stage you are working on now, don’t rush it, except for the first step, because your life may be at risk. Please don’t be afraid of the time it will take. Your success starts with one choice, to get well.

The last night I was with Lauren I encouraged her to keep working at her recovery. I reminded her that in two or three years all of this would be behind us and she would be healthy, experiencing all she wanted for herself. At that moment I did not realize how much she was struggling to fight her cravings and ingrained habit. We later learned that LaLa had been wrestling with trying to buy drugs for a few days. Before Lauren passed away, I read an analogy of what it feels like fighting a mental health issue like anxiety compounded by addiction. It said “Think of yourself driving a severely misaligned car. Every driving moment you must hold the wheel against the pull of the tires. In time your hands hurt, your arms get sore and the pain in your back and shoulders is unbearable.” Unlike the car though, you can’t pull over and rest. I wish Lauren had shared with us what she was feeling. As a cocaine addict myself (I have been drug-free for more than 30 years) I know what it is like to convince yourself, “I’ll just do it one more time”. I don’t know what rationalizing Lauren went through to use again, I only know I wish she hadn’t.

A very dear and close friend of LaLa’s, that also struggles with an eating disorder recently posted on her page an encouragement to people fighting eating disorders. She said: “To anyone in recovery struggling remember food isn’t the enemy, your eating disorder is💪🏻”.

To anyone in recovery or hoping to be, remember, the people around you, loving you, and trying to help you, are not your enemy; the drug addiction is.

Our family hopes that you enjoy a drug-free, love-filled Christmas with those that you care about and care about you. Our prayer is that the hope of the Christmas story will spark in you the confidence that “Brighter Days” are ahead in 2019.