Borrow My Hope

The holidays are behind us and we are heading into a brand new year. I, like many of you enjoy the hope a new year brings.

Hope is what I tried to instill in LaLa the day we dropped her off for the first time at a residential treatment center for anorexia. At that facility, Walden Treatment Center in Waltham Massachusetts, Lauren met two special people you can read about in “Stories of Hope”, Kate and Danny.

I am sure it all started that very first night. Just before I went to bed, I texted her a short word of encouragement followed by a brief prayer. Every morning I would send her another note and prayer to start her day. I explain more about these notes in “The Best Thing I Ever Did for My Daughter.”

When I began sending her the notes, I made a very clear choice to use them only as a voice of encouragement and support in her life, not correction. I knew there would be lots of different issues we would have to address to help Lauren overcome her eating disorder, but these notes were not for that, they were so she could know that we loved her, forgave her and believed in her.

I hope one day I get the chance to write a book, one of those 30-day devotional ones. I would want it to be a place where hurting people whose lives and relationships have been ravaged by addiction can feel free to borrow the words I wrote to my daughter and make them their own to give them hope.

About two weeks before she passed away Lauren told me that she was very grateful her mom, Evan and I went above and beyond to support her in her recovery because she met so many people who had no one to support them. She also confessed that, in the beginning of her recovery, she did not feel that way, but she had seen too many families broken apart by the collateral damage addiction and mental health issues can bring to all relationships and she was thankful fro us. The sobering thing is that most people facing an addiction understand their actions are damaging important relationship around them and wish they could stop. Read one girls perspective on the effects of addiction on her family in “I want to but I won’t”.

I was shocked how a video exposé from CNN called Allie and Johnny revealed how desperately even the hardest of hard-core addicts need somebody to encourage them. You can read more about Allie and Johnny in “Why We Chose Love” .

Perhaps that’s you today. You know your addiction has pushed the limits of every relationship around you. You don’t blame people for turning away from you, but even understanding that doesn’t relieve the crushing weight of feeling alone as you head into yet another year, 2019.

If that is you or someone you love, please feel free to borrow the words I wrote to LaLa the last New Years Eve of her life and make them yours.

“Dear Lauren (fill in your or your loved one’s name),

Well it’s the last day of 2016. It was a good year. A year that God brought some important things to the surface of our lives that worried Him. He does that when we find it hard to do it on our own. He does it because He loves us so much. It often doesn’t feel so good for the moment, but it is good (Read Romans 8:28).

I am so proud of you honey. You have helped our family to learn more about who we are, and more importantly who we need to be. You have grown in many, many ways and you are working hard at defeating your addiction. Keep letting God help you!

Let’s make 2017 the best year yet. Let’s be on the look out for the Lord to bless us, help us, and win our battles for us. I love you, honey!

Dear Father, thank you for the many ways You have provided for us, the ways you have protected us, and the way You have lead and directed us when we were a little nervous or lost. Bless 2017 and make it the (our) BEST year Yet – Amen!”   December 31^st 2016

After Lauren completed the program at Walden and came home, I stopped writing these notes. After a day or two she asked her mom to tell me to please keep writing them. She really looked forward to them, they helped her. From that day forward, I had the chance to write her one each morning nearly every day for the last year of her life.

One of the most precious possessions I have is the box that holds more than three hundred fifty of these notes. I like to think that in the middle of the turmoil of Lauren’s pain and confusion they were a beacon of hope for her. I do know they meant enough to her that she saved them. The last one I wrote to her was on the bed only a few feet from where she passed away.

I will always cherish speaking these hope-filled words into her life and I would love to think they could help you or someone you love too!

The featured image for this week is by Brooke Shaden called “Finding Your Way”. That is my prayer for you and your family if you are facing an addiction or mental health issue in 2019. I believe in you!