What Do You See

The other day I happened to drive by a house in our neighborhood. I remember when this particular house was built. The day I was driving by the mom was sitting on the front porch with her daughter. A few years after this family moved in they would set up a huge area of their yard, frame it out with 2 x 6 boards and cover it with plastic sheeting. They would then fill the make shift arena with water and wait for the New England winter. The then, little girl, must have enjoyed skating. It’s been a few years since I have seen that arena and based on what I saw the other day the little girl is grown up. Maybe her and the mom were talking about what the future holds for her about college or marriage, etc..

I must be honest, when I come across life scenes like this, I sometimes wonder, why didn’t our story go that way. I remember days when I sat on our front porch with Lauren, talking about lots of things, hopeful that we would have many more conversations as her life unfolded: maybe about her marriage, future job plans, or even grandchildren, but it was all cut short.

It’s a hard place, and it can get dark very quick. I can get angry: at myself, at Lauren, maybe even at God, but I know that won’t help, it won’t get me where I want to go, and in the case of God, it just wouldn’t be true, He didn’t do anything, He didn’t take our daughter away.

Lauren made a bad choice the day she died, I understand the reasons and factors leading to that, I know she didn’t plan for it to happen, but it did, and it affected everyone that loves her. To get a fuller understanding of the scope of what people we love may be facing with addiction read the post “Disheartened” .

The reality is, I do not have to let it get dark. I can let the thought go by like a car racing down the highway in the opposite direction. I can focus on the great things God did in Laurens life the last few months of her life. I can remember all the wonderful memories I have from our twenty-two years with LaLa (Lauren). I can realize all that I still have with my wife, son, family, friends, and Christ.

In loving someone with an addiction we need to remind ourselves, especially regarding relationships, that we will get what we focus on, we will see what we are looking for. Amidst the chaos, confusion and constant crisis that comes with addiction there is plenty of negative stuff to “see” and if that’s all we focus on the relationship will collapse into eventual disengagement and isolation for us and our addicted loved one, that never helps. Work hard on focusing on any progress toward recovery and improving the relationship with them. Connection is what they need because they have drifted away from everything and often everyone that matters to them, including themselves, and the moment we disconnect from who we are, everything unravels. You can read the post “A Day I Won’t Ever Forget” to understand the importance of connection more.

This weeks featured image is entitled “Balance” by Brooke Shaden