The Gift of Time

This week my wife Nereida is sharing thoughts on our story from the very different and unique perspective of a mom.

I have been trying to figure out what to write about for this week’s We Chose Love Blog. Should I write about Lala’s addiction or how it affected our lives once we found out about it? I’m not sure, but what I can share is the void that I feel in my heart right now, as a mom who is missing a piece of herself. A part of my life that I can never get back again because heroin stole that from me! So, I’d like to share about addiction and loss from a mom’s perspective.

Like most moms, I can truthfully say that one of the greatest joys in my life was when Lauren and Evan were born. It was one of the best moments I ever had. For many years we tried to start our family, but I had several miscarriages and complications so there were many disappointments along the way. At times it felt like we might not be able to have children and we almost gave up. Then what I consider to be the miraculous happened, we finally conceived, not one but two babies, a son and a daughter! The picture I chose to share shows a very tired mom of twins but a very happy one.

I loved being a mother (and still do). We were always a very close family, spending as much time together as we could. Life had its challenges, the teen years were a roller coaster ride, (by the way I don’t enjoy roller coasters). Before we even realized it, the kids were off to college. Lauren never liked being away from home, and it surprised us when she chose to go to school in Florida. That was an eye opener for me because I feel like that might be when her struggles became unmanageable. Lauren came back home early from Southeastern University to complete her courses online; Evan was still away at college.

During this time Lauren and I grew even closer than we had been before. Not just because of the difficulties she was facing, but because of the many things we got to do together. We loved to watch all the baking shows on TV, try a few of the recipes out that we saw, and did I mention shopping. LaLa made shopping an art. Lauren many times said to me, “Mom, you are my best friend”, as a mom, it made me very happy.

Today, there isn’t a place that I go to that doesn’t remind me of her. The grocery store, the mall, her bedroom, places she worked, her school and on and on. Whenever I see a gray Kia Soul I cannot help but think of Lauren and how hard she worked to buy her own Kia Soul. We were so proud of her when she reached her goal. Back then Lauren was very happy and so was I.

You can see, as a mom, I am continually reminded of my sweet angel girl every day and pretty much everywhere I go. Sometimes it is not easy. On those days I remind myself how grateful I am for the memories that I have of her. I am also thankful for the many friends and family who shower me with beautiful “pineapple trinkets” of an endless variety of products from lights in our yard, earrings, warm, comforting blankets, and many beautiful pineapples made of wood, ceramic, metal, and even a few real ones. When I receive them, I remember how much I, and LaLa, are loved and thought of, that brings me joy! I am also comforted because I know all those people are praying for Vinny, Evan, and me.

July 6, 2017 was a tragic day for our family. That’s the day Evan and I found Lauren unresponsive in her room from an accidental overdose of heroin. How can you describe something like this? It’s anyone’s worst nightmare, but especially a parents. No one should have to lose a child before they pass-on and particularly not to a drug overdose. It still seems very surreal to me. In the last year of Laurens life, a lot of that time was spent away at rehabs and programs, consequently, many days still feel like she will be back soon, but I know that she won’t. That’s hard.

I often wonder if people fighting addiction realize the pain and anguish that their death will have on those that love them. I am certain they don’t, because their lives are just too overwhelmed with the constant problem’s addiction brings. But please realize it will be very difficult for those that love you.

If you are an individual fighting to overcome addiction, can I as a mom tell you there are people around you who love you very much, and that they want to see you well. If they lose you all they will have left are memories, and unfortunately feelings of regret, wondering if they did enough. A mom will never feel that she had done enough.

How I wish Lala would have believed me a few days before she overdosed, when I told her I was afraid she would die if she kept using. I cried as I begged her, telling her, that I couldn’t live without her. We held each other for a long time, and she promised me that she didn’t want that to happen. That was a promise that she couldn’t keep, not because she did not want to and as you can tell, I am still living so I must learn to live without her for the moment. I really don’t know how I could survive this without leaning on the Lord, and the encouragement of family and friends. In my own strength I know that I couldn’t make it.

If you are fighting an addiction, never forget, even when it doesn’t look that way, there is Hope for you, if you want it. Your family and friends love you and want you to be around for them!

Our prayer as a family is that we can help others suffering from addictions, mental health and those who have lost loved one’s by writing this blog, working in the community, and hosting the GriefShare programs I host, (see www.Griefshare.com for

more info)

What I try my best to focus on is that Lauren is now safe and that I am truly blessed to still have an awesome son and amazing husband. I am not always perfect at it, but I have learned that you have to work at not being stuck.

Mother’s Day is different as I continue my journey from mourning to joy, but it is special because I am still Evan and Laurens mom.

This week I read a quote from one of my favorite photographers, except for Vinny of course, Brooke Shaden.

She said this “As we all move into a new season of life let us bring along what we have learned and leave behind what holds us back. Time is not a burden but a gift.

Happy Mother’s Day Moms!

Nereida

This weeks featured image is called “The Gift of Time” by Brooke Shaden