Running from Pain

With graduation season upon us my mind is flooded with memories of when Evan and Lauren graduated high school. I am not sure why it stands out to me this year. As I think back to 2013 I remember it as a great time for us as a family, and yet under the surface there was so much happening we where just not aware of. It was an extremely stressful time for LaLa (Lauren), the post called “Eyes Filled With Hope” shares the agony of her pain, a pain that we, her parents, could see, but did not understand. I am very regretful about that. To the right is a favorite image of Evan and Lauren from graduation day.

Addiction, starting as a refuge from pain, always ends by bringing more pain.

In my role as a Pastor I work a lot with young couples either getting married or recently married. This week as I was reading about relationships a thought really captured my attention. The thought was from the work of a man named Frank Scott, who says “Pain generally comes from three places; loss, whether that’s a person, position, or anything else that matters to us. A violation of expectation of a dream, a role a person should play or some fulfillment in our lives, and/or  A violation of trust.”  He adds, that a violation of trust is devastating to relationships and the soul. All of that can produce pain in people’s lives, that often leads to addiction, and yes, broken relationships. I feel a huge element of helping our loved one’s recover is focusing on rebuilding the relationship. That’s not easy work with someone in the throes of addiction or mental health, but it is possible.

“Pain comes from elsewhere, but we ourselves are always responsible for how we respond.” Joe Beam

The statement above is huge and powerful when coupled with this truth, “Avoiding or overcoming our addiction means facing our pain squarely and finding healing with the help of the right people.”

You may be a person who like LaLa did when she went off to college, is hoping that graduation, heading off to college (maybe in a new place) will be a chance to start with a clean slate. That can happen, but please, understand your chances will be greater if you are seeking out the help of “the right people” so you can face your pain head on and win. You can read more of what happened to Lauren that first year in college here . That is what my daughter missed, she tried to do it alone, and she tried to run from her pain. What you may discover is many of the people that can help the most are those who love you the most.

If you are a parent, loved one, or friend of someone you feel might be in trouble, stay close to them and listen, it is possible they are asking for help, but in the middle of all that’s going on it comes out as a soft, almost imperceptible whisper. Keep working at building relationship with them. From there you will be able to help with whatever “pain” they are facing. A post called Complicated talks about how we can work toward building relationship with someone facing an addiction.

This weeks featured image is untitled by Brooke Shaden