Danger Zone

I live in a small, rural community of just about 10,000 people. In 2016 our town hit the radar in the ongoing Opioid Crisis in America. Oxford, CT became the number 1 per capita death by overdose town in Connecticut with 7 deaths. It is a title I wish did not exist. In 2017 we had six deaths in town by overdose. My beautiful daughter Lauren Provenzano was one of those six. I could not find the words or think of a greater longing than changing that one fact, but I can’t

In 2018 and a good part of 2019 our town fared well with no deaths by overdose. In recent weeks that changed drastically. Last week in our rural farm community within the shadow of New York, Hartford, Waterbury, and Bridgeport had three overdoses, two, unfortunately, passed away.

I did not know the family, but I do know people that do. And so the song repeats, a devastated family, hoping for answers, quietly murmuring, Why? In a few weeks or months and maybe even longer they are going to be asking “What If?” To understand this better, please read the post “Living in the Land of What If” . It’s not fair!

From what I understand the boy and his family had a struggle in trying to overcome his addiction. Addiction may be an individual disorder, but it is absolutely a family problem. To learn just how much relationships matter and see how you can help your loved even though you cannot fix them read “It Happened Again.” When someone we love is addicted it affects everyone that cares about them. And, honestly, in most cases they – the addicted person –  care about you. In dealing with an addicted person over the long haul we can lose sight of the fact that they do love us.

I understand. I realize that addiction makes relationships very difficult. One of the most heartbreaking moments for me in our experience with LaLa (that was Laurens’s favorite nickname, you can read about where she got it here and discover a mistake I made).

When an addicted individual is also battling a mental health issue like anxiety, or depression, or bipolar disorder, moods can change almost instantly. Mental health issues compounded with addiction makes it hard to believe that our loved one probably still loves us.

One such experience I remember as truly heartbreaking was preceded by a great moment of hope.

On one particular evening I had gone to bed around 10 o’clock. Nereida, Lauren, and Evan stayed up very late. As I drifted in and out of sleep I could hear them talking. When they finally came up to bed they were still laughing and giggling as they walked up the stairs. The sound of that laughter was sweet to hear I distinctly remember smiling. Especially Lauren’s laughter because we did not hear her laugh that much anymore. That night she was the real Lauren, and it was always wonderful when the true Lauren could shine through the dark mist of addiction, anorexia, and anxiety. I remember thinking, this must be a turning point, maybe it was. The next night, on the same stairway, I had no choice but to physically restrain my little girl to make her come downstairs to clean the salad she had thrown across our living room. Later, weeping, I tried to understand what was happening to us as a family. How could one night be filled with such hope and the next with so much pain? The next day in conversation, and through a note, I left for Lauren every morning during the last year of her life (you can read about it here), I explained to her how much it hurt and frightened me, but that none of that changed the fact that I loved her. I am sure my wife and son expressed the same for her in their way.

A friend of mine shared a story with me about what the boy mentioned above’s Father one day said to him, “All I want is to get my boy back.”  The boy replied like Lauren often did “I want to be that boy too dad.” From what I understand the young man entered into a treatment program in response to that conversation, did well, and completed the required time.

For many that’s a danger zone in several ways:

First, it is extremely dangerous to the person in recovery. Particularly with heroin, the resistance to the drug decreases quickly. If someone has not been using for 28 days or even several months and they go back to using it is hard to assess what is a survivable dose and they may overdose. This problem is also exasperated by the truth that all of the statistics coming out are showing a decrease in heroin overdose proportionate to a rising increase in fentanyl overdoses. Fentanyl means profits for the dealer but is extremely difficult to manage lethal doses. An addict may buy a bundle (10 bags of heroin). Almost always heroin, and many other drugs considered to be recreational are cut with fentanyl. For the user the first bag is fine, maybe the second or even the third are fine, but the fourth has a grain or two more fentanyl than is survivable and they overdose. The two images on the right indicate how much heroin, fentanyl (100 times more powerful than morphine) and carfentanyl (10,000 times more powerful than morphine) can kill a person. The image with the penny gives us a size perspective of the lethal dose of fentanyl. Remember what I said, fentanyl is showing up in almost every conceivable drug on the street. It makes for huge profits.

Second, It is a danger zone for those who love the person fighting for recovery. Too often families make the mistake of thinking our loved one is all better. They are not fixed, they have only just begun. The only way to think about recovery is as a marathon, not a sprint.  I made this mistake often; you can read more about this in “She’s All Better Now.”

Whether you are addicted or love someone that is, be informed about the danger zone.

The healthiest way to face recovery is through the picture of walking down stairs. You may start at the top in a 28-day or longer residential program or Intense Out-Patient Program. In your next step, you may move into an Outpatient 3 day a week program, or some of the various groups like Smart Recovery, 12 Step programs, or even individual addiction counselors. Another option is to consider using a Recovery Coach. Many of these treatment options are explained in “Starving for Knowledge”

Someone struggling with addiction has a million voices vying for their attention. My wife said to my daughter just a few weeks before she passed away, “We are so proud of you honey, you are doing so well.” Lauren answered “You don’t understand mom, I have a million thoughts racing around in my head and they never stop.” You can be a strong voice in your loved one’s life that encourages them to get well, but please be informed and cautious of the danger zones.

This week’s featured image is called “Soul” by Brooke Shaden