Help Your Loved One Break the Trap of Addiction

This week I had the chance to speak at a H.E.A.T. (Heroin Education Action Team) event here in Connecticut. H.E.A.T. is a program hosted at area schools through the United States Attorney’s Office to reduce the growing effect of the Opioid Crisis from the demand side. Law Enforcement usually is addressing the War on Drugs from the supply side. You can learn more about H.E.A.T. or schedule a program here.

This program was well done, and I was grateful to be a part of it. The students were very attentive and engaged. They also had many great questions at the end of the event. A few that stood out to me were “Why do they keep doing the drugs knowing the risk and danger?” “How can you help someone who does not want the help?” and “How can I respond to peer pressure?”  

It is hard to understand unless you are the person fighting an addiction, and even then, most people don’t always see it. If someone is addicted to drugs the reason they keep going back to the drug is that they are getting something positive from the drug. They are getting a benefit from it that satisfies a need within them. It might be that when they are high it is the only time they feel a sense of comfort or completeness. Think of what it must feel like to be told: “You have to give up the only thing that comforts you.” Could you do that? A recent post called “A New Perspective on an Old Problem” goes into more detail on this. The drug of their choice is doing something for them. If it weren’t, they would not put up with the pain and complications drug use brings to all aspects of life.

I believe it is possible to influence someone battling a SUD (Substance Use Disorder) toward recovery. It is not easy and must be intentional, but it is possible. First, we must: Create an environment or atmosphere where change can happen if that is what the addicted individual wants (even if their desire is at the lowest levels). Lauren often expressed her desire to want help in the middle of her battle with heroin. “A Moment of Great Pride” tells more about this. Or, you can read the article “The Summer of Driving.”  To do this involves working with the individual from a place of respect and a position of you being healthy and safe. Some may think that sounds either very hard or, like a word that is bounced around very often in recovery, enabling. It is neither; rather it is an extremely evidence-based approach to helping someone we care about move toward getting the help they need. Two clinical studies demonstrate that 70% of individuals in the study had moved from total resistance to treatment to getting help within twelve months using this kind of approach. The posts “Friends and Family” and “An Unexpected Solution” talk extensively about this study and over many resources.

Second: Be sure we are knowledgeable about the types of resources and treatments that will help our loved one in their recovery. This is very important because there are many approaches to recovery. Many are effective and work. The important thing to do is to connect your loved one to the form of treatment that works best for them. Here are several posts summarizing a variety of treatments available for addiction:

“If Anything Can Work This Might”                                      “Starving for Knowledge”

“Inside the Brain of Your Addicted Loved One”                  “An Unexpected Solution”

Third: Continue to build a relationship with your loved one that helps them know you believe in them. Work hard to support your loved one as they re-learn ways to cope with the stress of life, discover purpose and form true community in their lives. This is one of the factors that will help an addicted person maintain recovery and wellness in life throughout the long term. Many believe that the rise in anxiety, depression, and addiction may be due in part to a lack of basic Psychological needs being met in human beings. These Psychological needs are: I feel I belong, I feel my life has meaning and purpose, I feel that people see you and value me. Community and connection matters for long term remission of addiction. Johann Hari said this in his book “Lost Connections” says “Drugs give real relief to some people for a while. But precisely because this problem goes deeper than their biology the solution needs to go deeper too.” Here is a 20 minute TED Talk Hari did about the importance of these things in overcoming anxiety, depression and by extension addiction, “This Could Be Why You Are Depressed and Anxious”.

This is no little thing because an addicted brain needs to learn new methods of coping to rewire the brain toward wellness. Two posts can offer help on how and why a family can do this “A Way I Can Do to Help My Loves One” and :”Friends and Family”.

As to the question of peer pressure, there are lots of ways to answer that. One of the ways I approached this in my own recovery ( I have been drug-free for thirty-five years) was to intentionally disengage from anyone in my life that was connected to my drug use. When I could I explained to them why I needed to do that. Of the many friends connected to my drug use, three still remain, close friends, today. They were more concerned about my well being, in time I was able to reconnect with them. All three of them are drug-free now as well. I explained to the students that one of the healthiest decisions we can make is to connect to the people who are willing to accept us as who we are. True we may not always agree or do the same things, but if we are really friends we will remain so.

Another thing young people can do is prepare how they might answer is someone asks them if they want to use drugs. Think of the answers you could give. You could even blame it on your parents saying “My parents make me do a drug test I can’t”. In the early days of my own recovery, I simply explained to people that I no longer did drugs and that alcohol was not good for me. Many could accept that, some couldn’t

This week I had someone I care about die from a drug overdose, I am getting very tired of this narrative. I am grateful that the States Attorneys Office, the DEA, and the FBI are directing resources to fight both the supply side of the drug issue and the demand side. We can only win the battle over drugs and the pain it is causing so many is by addressing both sides.

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden, I do not know the title but it reminds me that addiction is a trap and we need to help those we love to escape.