Crisis

Crisis, that’s a word that we quickly become familiar with when someone we love is trapped in addiction or living with a mental health issue. There is always crisis. Sometimes they may seem insignificant to us but to our loved ones they are mountains, daunting, insurmountable and threatening. Other times they are far more serious runs to the hospital in the middle of the night, unwelcome calls with strange voices on the other end that inform us “Your son/daughter was arrested for … Yada, Yada, Yada”. It’s frightening, it’s hard, and it’s very painful. We live in constant crisis.

There where several times when the events that where unfolding in Laurens life closed in on her and caused her anxiety to take over in ways that caused me to feel fear as I never had before. One of those was when Lauren had been arrested for a DUI, it was that event that finally enabled us to get her to treatment for her anorexia (we had not known about her addiction yet), you can read the story in “Somebody stop this please”.

Another time was when she had been arrested for possession. She had to appear in court, but this court was far different than others we had been in, it was ominous, and everything in its design was meant to let you know that you where facing a situation that was very serious. Lauren picked up on that and her anxiety shifted into high gear. Her body literally shook as she sat between me and her mom. Nereida and I each took turns holding her as tight as we could in this kind of setting in an effort to help her hold it together. At one point we all watched as a woman was sentenced to 10 years in prison with no hope of getting out in less than five years. Right before our eyes they cuffed her, they walked her out as her family looked on through a veil of tears. No hugs goodbye, no chance to whisper desperate expressions of love … BAM, they just took her away. By that point Lauren was uncontrollably shaking and everyone around us could see it. It was a moment I will never forget. Nor, will I forget the crushing sense of desperation to want to help Lauren, I do not know if I would have been able to live through the kind of moment that family went through. I had no idea then that I would live through one far greater!

The featured image this week is from my favorite photographer, Brooke Shaden. I love her work not just because of it’s beauty, message, and skills to make it happen, I love it because of all I know she has to overcome to create it. She refuses to let her own limitations stop her from building the life she desires. The title of the piece is “The Problem of Paper Crowns”.

When I look at this image it just reminds me of how “frail” life – our world – can be. Whether it is a world brought to its knees because of a virus that means crown, or a life being hammered by addiction and mental health, and just like the Corona Virus addiction and mental health affects everyone that loves that person, powerfully.

So what do we do under that constant drone of the crisis.

• Stay calm – You can only help your loved one when you are being the best you can be and healthy.
• Realize that their paper world is crumbling – Hasn’t the recent events shown us how volatile our world and it’s systems really are? The world has been brought to its knees because of a virus. Someone suffering with addiction lives in a paper world that at any moment can be crushed, and often is. Think about how that feels for them whether it is their fault or not.
• Be sure they know that although you can not stop the outcomes of their actions, you will be there to support them – take the statement made above and then add to that the idea that there is no one willing to stand with you and help. I am not saying that we enable them, but we as the healthy ones should be thinking in a way that of course does not lesson the outcomes of their choices, but at the same time points to a way toward healing and help.
• Educate yourself to the many resources that are available. A good place to start is SAMHSA

I am thankful that our government right now is taking very aggressive action against the flood of drugs coming into our country at the level where it can have huge impact. You can read about the administration’s actions here. This is very positive, It is also going to create an environment where lots more people will need help getting well. You and I can play a BIG part in the lives of our loved one getting well.

Let’s win this war!

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden, it is entitled “The Problem of Paper Crowns”