Freedom
July 3, 2020
This weekend marks several important events in my life and in the country in which I live, the United States of America. Tomorrow marks our Day of Independence, a very important day in the history of our country. John Adams said regarding the 4th of July, in a letter to his wife “I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forevermore.” At the same time as an American, I am troubled by many of the events unfolding in my home country. Not because, people are trying to work toward equality and fairness, but because there are powerful groups that are endeavoring to take advantage of recent events to rob Americans of their Constitutional rights. One of those rights is freedom.
Added to that is the fact that three days from today will mark the most painful day of my life, the day my daughter died of a carfentanyl and fentanyl-laced heroin overdose. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon at about 2:30 pm when my world went instantly dark, my wife screamed into the phone the words “Lauren is dead!” In that moment my world and the rest of my life instantly changed. You can read a more detailed depiction of those events here.
What none of us, Evan, Nereida, or myself realized was that Lauren was struggling with the hurts that pulled her strings. She was battling cravings and trying to get drugs. It was obvious in some of her writings we found after her death that she was trying to hold on, but the strings were being pulled too tightly. I wish she had told us. Really there was no reason not to, except shame. The shame of once again revealing to us, people she loved so deeply, that she was overwhelmed, that she wanted to use and that all too frequent, “Just one more time.”
Talking about this weeks featured image, the artist Brooke Shaden poses an important and powerful question “Who, or what is pulling your strings?” Fortunate is the individual that can say “I am.” Many of us can’t say that. Some are manipulated by the desire to make others happy. Some are controlled be fear, fear of hurt, fear of loss, and fear of anything you can think of. Some are marionettes at the hand of powerful puppeteers like inadequacy, fitting in – somewhere or sadly, being controlled by hurtful and malicious people.
For your loved one trapped in addiction one more string must be added, what the drug gives them. Or more accurately, what the drug has told them it gives them that they can’t get anywhere else. That’s the mistake, the lie, the thing many miss, strings can be cut! Here are a few blog posts that can help in understanding how we might help our loved one see they can have FREEDOM!
Friends and Family “If Anything Can Work This Might”
“Starving for Knowledge” “An Unexpected Solution”
“Inside the Brain of Your Addicted Loved One”
Monday, July 6th, 2020 will mark three years since we lost a big part of our lives. The pain is still there but in different ways. In some ways, it is deeper, in other ways we can move forward through it knowing that God is with us as we 
continue our journey. As we have in the past, Monday, July 6th we will visit LaLa’s graveside, we will recount wonderful stories of remembering how she filled our lives with smiles, joys, and bucket loads of love. We will place a spray of fresh flowers on her grave, mostly pink, her favorite color, and we will realize that our world, this world, has been altered!
In one of the poems we used on LaLa’s memorial cards, the card also has a background that is a pink Lily Pulitzer pattern, is called “Miss Me but Let Me Go!”
Miss me but Let Me Go!
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little-but not too long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me-but let me go
For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.
It’s all part of the Master’s plan
A step on the road to home
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me but let me go.
Often when I cry in the face of missing “mo chuisle”, read an about that “I want to but I won’t”, I am reminded of a line in this poem, “Why cry for a soul set free?” She is free, free from the hurt that tormented her, free from the constant scream of addiction, the relentless scratching on the mind of anxiety and the endless reminder of numbers in her head from anorexia, free from the pain of this life. She is now in a place where there is no more pain and no more sorrow. I am sure she is whispering “I can’t wait to see you Evan, Mom, and Dad” and we can’t wait to see her!
Our hope and prayer is that over the next twelve months we will be able to encourage families and impacted individuals facing addiction to realize they can break free, they can move forward, they can live life JOYFULLY, without drugs!
I pray that somewhere in the next twelve months you will experience your and your family’s Independence Day!
Happy 4th of Juy!
This weeks featured image is from artist Brooke Shaden, I am not sure what the title is.
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