Finding Rescue

Several years ago, as family and friends had gathered from many places to honor the life of my dad and support my mom through his passing I had an interesting conversation with my Uncle Charlie. Charlie is a doctor and spent much of his career in private practice and as a Medical Examiner for the State of Virginia.  He only recently retired from that position at the age of over 90 years old. Our conversation that day settled on helping people medically, emotionally, and spiritually. The whole person. Charlie, as a physician, began to express his frustration at how medicine was moving forward at such a pace and volume that it was becoming difficult to treat the whole person, not just the ailment. He said “In order to treat a person effectively you have to know him. All of him, his hurts, his struggles, fears, joys, life, problems, work, and environment.” You get the picture. That idea and principle are what is often lacking in the modern-day treatment of addiction, and mental health issues. I do not think this intentional; it just requires lots of time, huge amounts of time. That is a rare commodity today!

That conversation with Charlie has always stuck with me. In my work as a Pastor, and in my efforts to try to help one of the people I love more than any others, my daughter Lauren. Not realizing it, I saw this principle played out in LaLa’s (that’s Laurens favorite nickname) life shortly after she completed the first residential program she had ever gone to. This was before we even knew about her addiction, the program centered around her anorexia. You can read the whole story in “The Summer of Driving”. Lauren did very well in this program. While there she made new friends and connected with a therapist that helped her a lot. Upon completion of her residential LaLa’s next step was to enter a “Partial” treatment in Connecticut near our home. Lauren did not do well in this program. She struggled to make connections, and I am sure, was struggling with her addiction now that she was no longer under constant supervision. At the time we had not known about LaLa’s addiction.

“Partial” means it was a full-day, five-day-a-week program that was just as intense as residential treatment, but patients did not sleep there.

In light of LaLa not doing well at this program we were fearful she would lose ground in the progress she had made while at the residential facility for anorexia, so we made the choice to build a team of private doctors and counselors who would provide a full array of care for Lauren equivalent to what she would receive at the partial program. The team was led by a psychiatrist who practiced the Maudsley treatment, which integrates family members into the process of an individual’s recovery from an eating disorder. In a short while, Lauren, for the first time in her life, was over 100 pounds. I wept tears of joy with her mom that day at Lauren’s weigh-in. Months later she confessed to me that she was not sure she really weighed over 100 pounds. Anorexics are masters at loading up for weigh-ins and even inventing ways to carry extra weight. I told her I chose to believe she was legitimately over 100 pounds because that day her weight was 111 pounds.

Reflecting back on this time I realize that it was one of the best times in Lauren’s progress. I think where we may have made some mistakes was our knee jerk and overwhelming reaction to the discovery that Lauren was also battling a multiyear extreme addiction to heroin. This lead us into a series of stints at detox, residential programs, and IOP’s. Some helped, some did not. The two-part post Our Journey from Chaos to Comfort Part 1 and Part 2 tells the in-depth story.

Many people ask me what is the best way to help my loved one who is fighting an addiction. My answer is “the one that works”. All treatment works, you just need to find the one that works for your loved one.

Since my daughter Lauren passed away, I have learned a lot about recovery, addiction, and mental health and the ways we can help those we care about. Below is a picture of how I would help my daughter Lauren today, with what I now know.

In hindsight, I wish I had had the wherewithal to simply add the component of focused addiction treatment to the plan we had built for Lauren. I think it would have been more effective. Would it have changed the outcome, I can not say, and to dwell on that would be hurtful to me?

If I were working with a family trying to help someone overcome addiction I would seek to create a program of care that would address the many facets that addiction and mental health involve. This plan would include care for the IP (Identified patient) which would be evidence based and proven effective like CRA (Community Reinforcement Approach), but also care for the family (or CSO). Not because of blame, but to be sure that what the ways they are behaving and responding are keeping them well and motivating their loved one to wellness through an approach like CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training). Relationships are a HUGE part of helping someone we care about to recovery. This care would also include monitoring of medications by a Psychiatrist or Doctor. By medicationa I also mean MAT medications (Medically assisted treatment with Buprenorphine , Naltrexone, Disulfiram, Vivitrol, etc. There are many) if that was desired. When managed well they can be very helpful. That would need to be supported by counseling for the IP that focused on addiction, the drivers behind it, and building effective coping skills and even life skills. And I would also integrate spiritual help, which for me, is grounded in the Bible and Judeo-Christian background. Some research shows that addiction almost becomes worship for the IP, knowing that would indicate why faith matters, and can be very helpful.

Right now you may be saying “That sounds like it’s a lot of work and could be very expensive!” True it is a lot of work but it is not as expensive as you think. Honestly, it would be a lot less than any of the 28-day, or Outpatient programs LaLa had been to, many of which were in excess of 30 thousand dollars a month. It would also take time, a lot of time, but I have learned when people are deeply hurting what they need most is a true friend. Someone they know cares

In working this care plan I would take into account my conversation with my Uncle Charlie on my front porch  22 years ago. I would consider how effective the custom-designed program we made for Lauren worked, and I would understand real healing takes a while

In essence, this care plan would address the places where pain, love, anger, emptiness, dysfunction, relationships and God collide so I could help my loved one and my family experience wholeness.  Would it take time, yes, lots of it?  It would also require lots of love, but honestly, I believe it would work.!

This weeks featured image is by my favorite photographer, Brooke Shaden. the title is “Finding Rescue”