Numbers Game

It seems that more times than not many of the posts here on We Chose Love focus on addiction. The reality is that there are often many reasons addiction can happen, a common one is mental health issues. Research demonstrates that nearly 50% of people fighting to overcome an addiction got there in response to trying to cope with a mental health issue. It’s not an excuse, it is just reality.

My daughter Lauren struggled with anxiety and anorexia. Anorexia is a numbers game as the image by Christian Sampson . Christian created an entire series of images that powerfully demonstrate what mental health issues feel like. LaLa was very moved by them.

Recently I have noticed several young girls that in many ways reminded me of Lauren. I hope with no judgment I wondered if they were suffering from anorexia or related eating disorders, at least some physical evidence was there.

Anorexia was probably Lauren’s battle, not that the heroin addiction wasn’t big, what I mean is the things that drive anorexia also fueled LaLa’s addiction.

One of the best books I have read about anorexia was written in the late Seventies. The author is Hilda Bruch, the book is called “The Golden Cage”.  This book is by far the most insightful, not that I have read them all, and compassionate of any book about eating disorders I have read. Hilda Bruch had a great sense of what these girls (her work was primarily with females but anorexia impacts males as well) facing but responded to in a very caring and sensitive way. Many of the same things we must do in helping someone we love facing addiction.

At the time the book was written eating disorders were the third most common chronic disease. In writing the forward for the 2001 publication of the book Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD had these powerful insights to share about those facing anorexia (and other eating disorders):

“Feeling fat has become a code language for feeling insecure, unimportant, scared, or anxious. With anorexia, one’s underlying feelings are more extreme, often representing deep wounds that are encoded in body language. For girls with anorexia, their body speaks volumes about overwhelming struggles to establish a sense of self-acceptance and safety. In therapy, we work to discover what all the unacceptable “fat” parts of the girl’s self are. To a girl with anorexia, to have any needs is to fail. To be thin proves that she has mastered-indeed, has overcome-basic needs for safety, acceptance, and emotional nurturance. Since girls or women with eating disorders have a hard time believing that they can reach out to others or depend on others, they turn to food rituals and support from fantasies about thinness.”

I, sadly, see so much of the little girl I loved so much in that paragraph. I do not know what things lead to Lauren feeling the extreme level of pain she felt, I wish I did. Honestly, I do not think it was just one thing but a whole series of smaller things that crushed her. This video I made explaining how my daughter ended up addicted illustrates the point.

To learn more about anorexia and how you might be able to help someone you love fight against it watch the documentary “Thin”. I will tell you that this is not an easy film to watch especially if you love someone with an eating disorder. It will be eye-opening and shocking After watching it for the first time  I sat, face in hands, weeping for a very long time, but if you love someone with an eating disorder you must understand what they are facing.

One of the most effective treatments for anorexia is called the Maudsley Treatment here. When LaLa was in a Maudsley treatment plan it was the firs time in her life where she was over one hundred pounds. Her mom and I wept tears of joy with her in the doctor’s office that day.

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden called “Peeking” in her blog on Flickr she said this regarding the image:

“We feel the need to live behind masks for fear of being judged, ridiculed, marginalized and more; too often those things happen. Too often we put masks on people and tell them never to take them off, through our actions and words. To me, bravery is being willing to peak beyond that mask that has grown so comfortable, through the blindness that becomes like a friend, and see what happens when you reveal yourself.”