Missing You Does Not Stop

Memories Matter

One of the things I miss most about my daughter is the chance to go skiing, she liked snowboarding but that is way too much work for me. If I am honest, I do not think Lauren and I went skiing more than a dozen times. Yet, for me, they are all moments of meaningful connection for us. I think Lauren would say the same. That’s how memories work. There are always a special few that loom large on the landscape of our mind.

One of the last times we had the chance to go was very spontaneous. Today I wonder what may have been going on for Lauren that night. It was late in the day on a Saturday, Lauren asked her mom if she thought I would take her skiing at a place about 30 minutes from our house. Nereida said, “I think he would enjoy that sweetheart”.

I am not sure why she wanted to confirm with her mom that I would go. To do that I would need to know what was driving her need for connection, or maybe

she just wanted to go skiing. I think the former had more to do with it.

Of course, I did go but it turned out to be an interesting evening, due to some poor adjustments on the

equipment I rented for the night. Getting off the lift on our first run my right ski brake was engaged and I ended up doing a summersault over the tips of the skis. I did not pop out of the bindings until there was a very significant stretch on my right leg, OUCH!

Knowing Lauren was battling some things, not all of it. Knowing she needed a connection, and because I simply wanted to please and spend time with my little girl, I skied the rest of the night. Although I did go to the shop and got different equipment. It was very painful, and I wasn’t walking well by the end of the night. I do not really remember a lot of that, but I do remember how much LaLa and I laughed as I hobbled across the road to the car.

Human beings need connection. Especially when they are in a mode where their actions, intentionally or not, push people away. For most, it is not their intention, it just goes with the territory.

Now There’s a Christmas to Remember

The image to the right was one of the last Christmas’s Lauren celebrated with our family.

I remember it so well. She was home from college and had decided she was going to make Christmas a milestone. She often did that but in previous years, probably because of her addiction, she didn’t enter into it as much. This year was different, she helped her mom decorate. She did extra baking, and she chose to get all dressed up for our Christmas eve family gathering as only LaLa could, including “just a pop of color”. Lauren loved fashion and had a real eye for accessories that took the look to a higher level.

Later that night, as many of our guests sat around the table laughing and talking, Lauren came and sat on my lap as she often had growing up, to join in. It felt like she was very happy, so was I. Of course, neither of us realized she would have only one more Christmas with us.

It Goes Deeper Than You Think

I remember LaLa saying to a young lady that worked at the last detox Lauren went to in early 2017 how good that Christmas felt. That’s one of the things we need to help our loved one “experience”, the natural dopamine and other chemical rushes that people experience as we do life together. They build emotional connection between people and cause us to feel pleasure, peace, and stability in life. Addiction hijacks the normal flow of these God given systems, but we can get them back. That’s what was beginning to happen for Lauren. It is an important part of success in navigating addiction and mental health for people we love.

I am happy that I can look back and see lots of experiences like this with LaLa. Another was making Macrons

with Lauren. She loved them and ran a little side business selling them. I was her kitchen grunt. Here is a link to one of her favorite Macron recipes by Martha Stewart.

I know with all the chaos that surrounds loving a person managing addiction or a mental health issue it is a challenge to capture these moments. When we can I believe they will generate a significant amount of positive feelings in a situation that way too often is overwhelmed with negatives. That’s what addiction and mental health generate, lots of negative feelings and emotions in relationships. Negative feelings and emotions always push us away from other people.

I guess what I am saying is try the best you can! Engage in their favorite activity. Make their favorite snack or dinner. Let them know in spite of it all you still care.

Read Your gonna Miss This to listen to a great song and for more thoughts on how valuable connection is for all of us.

Todays feature image is by Brooke Shaden, I am not sure what the title is but, for me, it clearly shows what it constantly feels like in a world without someone you just miss.