Don’t You Want to Know Why?

A QUESTION WE ALWAYS ASK

If you are addicted or care about someone who is you have asked “WHY” a lot? Why did this happen? What caused this? What might I have changed? We ask the question in a vast variety of ways, but we always ask!

In our last post “The Power of Close” I touched on the fact that addiction is never a one size fits all problem. It is a physical, psychological and in many regards a spiritual issue (I am not implying that addiction is a moral failure). In short, it is complicated, but there can be many possible contributors.

POSSIBLE REASONS FOR ADDICTION FROM EARLY ON

A consistent early sense that the world is not a safe place and a sense of connection to caregiver can cause the natural opioid receptors to be stifled. This can lead a person to fewer positive interactions in life to pursue external sources (drugs, alcohol) to activate those opioid receptors in our brain. This is a very complicated area but there is a lot of biological research that supports this. An article by Gregory C. Smith Ed.D. and Patrick A. Palmieri Ph.D. explains https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ps.58.10.1303 .

Psychologists and Researchers often refer to Adverse Childhood Experiences, (ACEs)  as possible contributors to addiction. SAMSHA- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services has a very complete article that details ACEs. A quote from the article says:

“When children are exposed to chronic stressful events, their neurodevelopment can be disrupted. As a result, the child’s cognitive functioning and/or ability to cope with negative or disruptive emotions may be impaired. Over time, and often during adolescence, the child may adopt unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance use or self-harm.”

All of this can lead to a lack of trust, poor attachment, under-activated opioid receptors, and therefore a propensity for addiction.

THE DRIVE OF INTERNAL NEED

A very common psychological reason for substance misuse is numbing emotional pain or quieting thoughts or feelings. Commonly referred to as Self-medication. It is the use of a substance or behavior to numb emotions such as hopelessness, anxiety, anhedonia, and loneliness. In my own daughter’s words, “When I use the heroin I don’t have to deal with the anxiety.” That statement was true – for a while.

By the time Lauren was about to graduate High School she realized that the tradeoff for that short-lived comfort was the next several years trying to shake her addiction. Sadly, for us, she lost that battle.

She also learned that the heroin that once calmed her anxiety was now increasing it to unmanageable levels. “Eyes Filled With Hope” shares more details of what was happening for LaLa at this time. The image of our family was taken as Lauren and her twin brother were leaving for college.

For others, hopelessness may be a part of the addiction cycle. This hopelessness often results from objective life circumstances such, as unemployment and poverty motivating individuals to use substances to escape, but unemployment and poverty often result from the addiction creating a self-perpetuating cycle.

There is one reason for addiction that doesn’t readily come to mind. It is the seeking of interpersonal connection itself that can be a driver of substance use, at least initially. Some individuals, particularly those who are socially inhibited, may use substances as a way to connect to a social group. Substance use within a group may be reinforced by other group members and may become habitual, eventually resulting in physical and/or psychological dependence. Addiction can then lead an individual to isolate from others spending all their time interacting with others somehow connected to their addiction. This only magnifies feelings of lack of value and hopelessness.

NOW THAT I KNOW WHAT CAN I DO

There are many other reasons we could address and talk about, but the real issue is what can we do with what we now know?

Seemingly insignificant, but overwhelmingly impactful is the need to recognize how very much the long-term addicted need connection. Often, they have by their actions adversely affected nearly every relationship they had. Removing themselves from the very thing that can help them the most.

Complicating the issue is the fact that they do not want to be pursued. Many times they will push away those trying to get close to them. As someone who wants to influence a person, I care about toward recovery I should not feel guilty about having to take seasons of disengagement for my own well-being. Hopefully, these should focus on your healing and not making our addicted loved ones pay. A question that always comes up is the concern that we are enabling our loved ones. Enabling is any action that helps a person to do drugs, not helping them navigate a completely chaotic life.

The two statements above reveal something we may not want to know, this is something that may go on for a long time. In the process of that, they will lapse, mess up and cause pain. In the end, they must know we won’t give up on them. They need to know we do still love them.

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden called “Reflections”