Don’t Let Stuff Fall Through the Cracks

I WISH I HAD THE ANSWER

I am convinced that life throws us hints. Events, moments, memories, déjà vu, God, maybe all the aforementioned. To me, it sometimes seems that we are being warned. Maybe its just hindsight but I sure remember some of that when I think of Lauren, my beautiful daughter, becoming addicted. How did this happen?

IT’S NOT FUNNY NOW

One of those times was when LaLa (Laurens nickname) was having a procedure for a reflux issue she had. From the time she was born Lauren had very severe reflux issues. Most children will completely outgrow it by the time they reach their teens, five percent will live with it for their entire lives. Lauren was in the five percent. Just before she reached her teens her doctor felt one more test/procedure should be done. It was a very simple in and out procedure that took no more than three hours. When I finally got to be with her again in the recovery room it was obvious that she was very high from whatever anesthesia they gave her. I am embarrassed to say now, but I thought it was funny. She looked goofy and had a twist in her mouth when she talked. She would not have liked that. I remember thinking, “I hope she never uses drugs because she looks goofy when she does.” I am not laughing now!

EARLY EXPERIENCES

Today, if had a young child, I would ask their doctors what kind of medications would be used in their procedures. I am not sure, but the event above may be one of the things Lauren mentioned when she was speaking with a young girl she met at her last detox. The girl worked there. She and Lauren really hit is off and their journeys mirrored each other at an uncanny level. The only difference was that the girl had successfully navigated recovery for three years. She helped Lauren, what shocked me was she got reprimanded because she spent so much time with Lauren. She did more for Lauren that week than anything else. Lauren felt safe with her and shared in my presence that when she was young she was given morphine for a kidney stone attack. Oxycodone for a dental issue, and I think she may have had the above event in mind as she was speaking. She explained to the girl that when she was offered to try heroin at a party halfway through senior year in HS, she remembered what it felt like, and wanted it.

LITTLE STUFF MATTERS

As I was writing this post I spent several minutes staring at an image of Lauren at Christmas time. It is one of those images where everything fell together nicely. Expressions a warm and welcoming. Her brother is in the background smiling at her. The balance of the light and exposure created a beautiful softness to the image. The picture also has a perfect warm glow due to the tungsten lights that just scream Christmas and all the warmth that it brings. You can read “Missing You Does Not Stop” to get the full story about it, the image is included here.

As I stared at this image, I remembered so much about LaLa. Her pleasant smile, her sarcastic humor, and how warm it made her mom, her brother, and me feel whenever she decided to hug us just because she wanted to. Looking back now I wish I held her a few seconds longer, laughed a little harder and took more time to just look at her, not just a picture. I applaud that young lady for taking the time to connect with Lauren. I think that one interaction inspired Lauren more than many of the programs and treatments we had her in. Instead of a reprimand, she should have gotten a reward.

IT WILL HURT DO IT ANYWAY

Loving someone fighting addiction feels a lot like trying to hug a cactus, it hurts, but do it anyway. The possibility is that one day you won’t be able to anymore. Maybe the pain of loving them will become too much and you will have to do it from a distance. Or, sadly, your story may end as ours did. I pray those things don’t happen but what I know is loving them, holding them, encouraging them or laughing with them one more time will never be on your list of regrets.

Keep fighting!

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden called “Blood and Bones”