Move Closer You’re Too Far Away

The other day I came across some journals. There were a few that I would use to write notes to Evan and Lauren with the hope that one day I would give them to them and they could read them. The specific one I am speaking about had the second entry I had ever written to Lauren. As can sometimes happen the words proved to be very meaningful with the benefit of looking back through hindsight.

SOME OF THE NICEST WORDS I EVER HEARD

When our twins were very young, not exactly sure of their age, Nereida and I would lay down with them, since they were in “big girl” and “big boy” beds, when we put them to sleep. Some nights I would be with Lauren, and Nereida with Evan. We would switch as often as the kids felt it was appropriate. A lot of the time would be spent with them asking us to tell them stories about when we were very young. Each night would end with us  (Nereida and I) being hard-pressed to remember, “just one more”, stories of when we were little. They enjoyed it, and we may have enjoyed it more. I think some of it was an effort on their part to just get to stay up a little longer, we never minded.

As I was telling Lauren a story some of the sweetest words a dad could ever hear his little girl say came out of her mouth: “Move closer Daddy you’re too far away”. I am quite certain I cried that night when I left Laurens’s room. I am certain I cried much more deeply the day I encountered this page in the journal. In the entry, I explained to LaLa that although one day she would grow up and entrust her heart to her husband. I hoped that in her heart she would want her dad to be NOT “too far away”.

I sat silent for a while, trying to process the discovery of these priceless words, I realized that is what all of us, Evan, Nereida, and myself, tried to do as Lauren fought to navigate her mental health crises and addiction. We wanted her to know we were NOT “too far away.”

DISTANT DAYS

Some days she feels very far away. She exists in another world. One that I would not want her to come back from because she is free of the pain and torment that weighed her down in this life, but it still it feels very far away. One day I will be with her, we all will. For her, it will be just a few hours, a blink of an eye, and for me a few decades. Read the letter Peter wrote to a church in 2 Peter 3 verse 9 in the Bible to see what I mean. The verse means that in the realm where Lauren is time just doesn’t matter since we have forever. Then none of us, Evan, Nereida, or me will ever feel “too far away” from Lauren again.

For human beings in any kind of crisis—Mental Health, Addiction, or just plain old pain—what they need most is to know someone is NOT “too far away.”

When someone we really care about is fighting to win against addiction, mental health, or pain, this can be hard. Lots of conflicts come up. Sometimes their actions and words PUSH us away. Sometimes ours do the same. In both instances not always intentionally. Other times all we can do is love them from a distance. When those things happen, we should keep trying to let them know, someone is NOT “too far away”.

YOU, can be that person!

Merry Christmas!

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden. It is called “Praise”. It just reminds me of what it feels like when someone we love has gone away for a long time.