Addiction Starts and Ends in Pain

LOOING FOR THE PAIN

In a post where LaLa announced to the world that she was addicted to heroin and working at getting well. You can read the complete post in “A Moment of Great Pride” , she said, “while doing a drug is a choice, becoming addicted to it is not.”

She was right! We have lots of classifications for addiction: It’s a choice, It’s a disease, It’s a moral issue, It’s a medical issue, It’s a crime, and on and on. The problem is many of the things I just said are elements of addiction, but not all. To try to squeeze addiction into one compact box is dangerous, and foolish. Yet it is what we most often try to do.

The truth is there are lots of things we can be addicted to and often the most deadly are the ones our world finds most acceptable.

ADDICTION DEFINED

Gabor Mate has a powerful and thought-provoking definition of addiction:

Addiction is manifested in any behavior that a person craves, finds temporary relief or pleasure in but suffers negative consequences as a result of, and yet has difficulty giving up. In brief: craving, relief, pleasure, suffering, impaired control. Note that this definition is not restricted to drugs but could encompass almost any human behavior, from sex to eating to shopping to gambling to extreme sports to TV to compulsive internet use: the list is endless.

“I’m not going to ask you what you were addicted to,” I often say to people, “nor when, nor for how long. Only, whatever your addictive focus, what did it offer you? What did you like about it? What, in the short term, did it give you that you craved or liked so much?” And universally, the answers are: “It helped me escape emotional pain… helped me deal with stress… gave me peace of mind… a sense of connection with others… a sense of control.”

Such answers illuminate that the addiction is neither a choice nor a disease, but originates in a human being’s desperate attempt to solve a problem: the problem of emotional pain, of overwhelming stress, of lost connection, of loss of control, of a deep discomfort with the self. In short, it is a forlorn attempt to solve the problem of human pain. Hence my mantra: “The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.”

Addiction always starts as a solution to pain. Unfortunately—sadly—it ALWAYS ends in more pain!

So the question becomes can I help my loved one overcome the pain that got them there? I hope the answer can be found for you.

MEMORIES OF LALA

Below are two videos:

The first was one we showed at a memorial service to honor her life. Loving LaLa, In it, you can see the beauty of who she really was and why she brought joy and comfort to many that were hurting like her. I you look carefully you will also see hints of the pain seeping out that eventually caused addiction to overshadow her, and our lives.

The second video is about the reasons that may have lead to LaLa’s pain.

Many times I have asked why I could not help Lauren through her pain. She was working hard toward healing.

Please be sure you keep finding a way to change your relationship with yourself, your true source of comfort, connection, and confidence. A better way of dealing with stress, emotional pain, anxiety, or depression. OR help your loved one to do so. Don’t Give Up!