Sometimes Addiction Feels Like a Storm

Lately I have been reminded of storms. Storms are nice to see, from a distance. In some ways they can look beautiful, but, if you are in the middle of one maybe not so much!

When I created the above image I had no idea the storm I had been in for some time was about to reach catastrophic levels. Storms can do that sometimes.

If you would like to get another perspective on storms read this post “Storm Clouds”.

We never saw that coming

This image of my daughter in a coffee shop brings back so many warm feelings and emotions. It was created Feb 1^st 2017. That day was a beautiful and wonderful day. Today I cannot remember anything else about that day except this moment. I had no idea that in five and a half months I, my wife, and my son would be in the biggest storm we had ever experienced.

On a beautiful blue skied, warm July day at 2 PM I answered the phone to hear my wife scream “Lauren is dead”. “The Summer of Driving” article gives a brief back story of how we got to that point. My hope is it can help you in your storm.

That’s how storms are

They come out of nowhere, they are not wanted, never welcomed and honestly, they can hurt.

Addiction and mental health crisis are like storms. They are disruptive and bring chaos to the life of the addicted person and the lives of those around them.

Not too long ago I was watching an episode of NCIS, Season 18 Episode 9 . In it one of the main characters’ daughter passed away of an overdose. At her memorial service they read a beautiful poem by Merrit Malloy.

When I die

Give what’s left of me away

To children

And old men that wait to die.

 

And if you need to cry,

Cry for your brother

Walking the street beside you.

And when you need me,

Put your arms

Around anyone

And give them

What you need to give to me.

 

I want to leave you something,

Something better

Than words

Or sounds.

 

Look for me

In the people I’ve known

Or loved,

And if you cannot give me away,

At least let me live on in your eyes

And not your mind.

 

You can love me most

By letting

Hands touch hands,

By letting bodies touch bodies,

And by letting go

Of children

That need to be free.

 

Love doesn’t die,

People do.

So, when all that’s left of me

Is love,

Give me away.

 

Lauren would often try to do things that would lessen the difficulty and chaos her mental health and addiction brought to our world. She wanted to make it as easy on us as she could. Therefore I am very certain she would echo the sentiment of this poem. Honestly, we try, but some days are hard. By the way she loved NCIS.

A semi-colon means there is more to the story

Lauren introduced me to a lot of things that expanded my understanding of addiction. One was a movement called the semi-colon movement. I didn’t listen much in English class. I wish I had now, just a PSA for young people. The semi-colon is used by the author in a place where they could have used a period, ending the sentence, but instead used a semi-colon because there was more to say, the story wasn’t over. “Your story isn’t over”! Another was asking me to read a very helpful book called “Chasing the Scream” by Johann Hari .

A Practical Plan for Navigating Addiction Storms

Get the addiction under control. This is the first step, and often this is a life and death choice. It’s about keeping your loved one or yourself safe.

Manage the Current Practical Issues. With a long history of drug use lots of baggage is picked up along the way. A plan must be put into place to slowly address these issues. I say slowly because of the sheer magnitude and amount of them. This includes: finding a positive, and encouraging environment to live in, legal issues, medical complications, work, and more. The important thing is to get started with a plan for progress.

Manage the Underlying Issues. Start to learn about and understand the drivers of the addiction. It could be anxiety, depression, or a number of other mental health issues, and non-mental health issues. Learn about them and how they affect you.

Build Coping Skills. At its root, addiction is an unhealthy effort to cope with the junk life throws at us, and there is always plenty of it to deal with. Once the brain is cleared of the effects of long-term drug use these skills must be learned and implemented for permanent recovery. Today young people are starting to use serious drugs very early. This has a huge impact on the brain, especially in the frontal lobe, the area that impacts our judgement. Lauren was greatly hampered by this because she began experimenting with drugs very early in her life, probably seventh, eighth or ninth grade. That choice literally hijacks your brain and ultimately will take you places you really don’t want to go. This brief video (only 3 minutes) explains more about this, The Hijacker || Episode 1

Build Life Skills. One of the most painful parts of trying to help LaLa was trying to help her see that she could get back on course. She was very excited about going to School for Radiology in September 2017, and so were we. We saw it as a new chapter for her.

It’s obvious that the road to recovery takes time, what is important is to focus on what ever stage you are working on now, don’t rush it, except for the first step, because your life may be at risk. Please don’t be afraid of the time it will take. Your success starts with one choice, to get well.

Today is Lauren and her twin brother’s birthday she would have been 31 years old. I know she celebrates it in a world so far and yet so near. I also know she would want us to make this day about her brother.

If you are struggling to overcome an addiction, LaLa (Lauren’s favorite nickname), would want me to ask you to read this Never Forget “You Are Seen” | We Chose Love  . Your story does not have to end the way hers did. If you love someone caught up in an addiction or mental health battle Lauren would want me to share this with you, A Brief Primer on Recovery | We Chose Love .

Todays featured image was created by me in February 2016