My loved one is addicted … Now what?

One of the hardest days of our lives was the day we received a phone message from a Hospital. The caller explained that Lauren had passed out at a local coffee shop. EMS was called, and she was in the ER.

We went to the hospital to discover that our daughter was awake and appeared fine. As the day unfolded and we began to read between the lines of all that was being said and done, things just didn’t add up. We asked Lauren what was really happening? Through many tears she finally confessed to us that she had been using heroin and had in fact, overdosed! That morning she was found completely unresponsive on a bench outside the coffee shop, someone had left her there. Thankfully, there where two off duty EMS workers, and a third who was in the area for training. They were sensitive to what was happening and got involved. One of them had Narcan and saved Laurens life. This one choice of someone to “act” literally gave our family the chance to experience healing and see God do amazing things over the next 12 months. The shock of receiving this news was completely overwhelming, and devastating!

Of course, we realized something needed to be done immediately for LaLa, but really we weren’t sure what it was. We were confused and afraid.

This is not uncommon when families discover that a loved one is addicted. Often we can be forced to make a choice about care in a state of “desperation”. In that state there are default options people immediately think about when trying to find treatment services for loved ones: 12 Step Programs (AA, CA, NA), Residential Treatment Centers, and Outpatient Treatments. All of these approaches work, but they do not work for everyone.

If you have recently learned that someone you love is struggling with an addiction that may or may not be compounded with a Mental Health issue here are a few steps to take and thoughts to keep in mind.

First, the best treatment for your loved one is the lowest level of care that will keep them safe and alive. For some situations that may be a stay in a residential treatment facility and for most it also means a period in a detox center.

Second, it is extremely important that you get an accurate assessment of where your loved one is in their addiction and what approach to care will be most beneficial. This is often done by the facility or organization that you are evaluating. One of the things that truly frustrated my wife and I was that every facility we spoke with evaluated our daughter and expressed that they were a good fit for her situation. Not one ever said: “We do not feel our services can help LaLa and think “so and so” treatment would work better for her ( in a future post I will go into further detail about how to avoid this ).

One thing to do is be sure to ask the right questions ( Click here for some help with this  Advice on Treatment ).

Another is to work with a Recovery Coach. This is an individual that does not provide treatment or medical care but is extremely versed in the variety of treatments available, understands how the “system” works and can be a wealth of information for you as you make very important decisions. They will save you two very crucial and limited resources in fighting addiction: Time, and Money. They are usually certified by Statewide or National Agencies. This is a relatively new area of focus in the recovery world but has been proven very effective. Thankfully, some hospitals are now using an on-staff Recovery Coach to connect with cases that come through the ER. They can be extremely helpful for either individuals facing addiction, their families or both. Read this article for more information about Recovery Coaches .

Third, many times an individual with an addiction will not acknowledge their addiction. The question that must be answered is do they want treatment, especially if they are not children or are not mandated to do so by the court. A question many people ask is: “Can you help someone that doesn’t want help”? Surprisingly the answer is often yes, in two ways:

Statistics show that often a person required by law to go to treatment has an equivalent chance of success as those that enter by their own choice.

There are also very practical skills that can be learned by loved ones and families called C.R.A.F.T. . CRAFT stands for Community Reinforcement And Family Training. It is an approach designed by Dr. Robert Myers of the University of New Mexico. It has at its foundation many techniques born out of Motivational Interviewing. It has been clinically proven to be extremely effective in helping individuals and families that love someone with an addiction to guarantee that they are well and healthy first. This is important because you can only help your addicted loved one to the extent that you are well yourself. Additionally, several studies have shown that 65 to 70 percent of individuals who were highly resistant to any kind of treatment voluntarily entered into treatment within 12 months of their loved ones learning and using the C.R.A.F.T. approach. (In a forth coming post I go into further detail about C.R.A.F.T. and present a variety of options to learn it)

The last thing to remember is that addiction is a very complicated issue and its treatment is equally complicated. It is important for families and affected individuals to understand that overcoming an addiction is a long process. Bill White, notable recovery expert and author calls the process a “Heroic Journey”, it is.

A big mistake we often made was that when Lauren went to a treatment program, whether residential or outpatient, we (especially me) were easily sucked into the notion that “this was it” … she was going to be fixed now … all better. These 28, 60, 90 or more day treatments are great places to start, but the work is not finished upon completion of 28 days, its only starting. There must be an extensive recovery plan in place for our loved one to commit to with our help.

In addition, you must be ready to ask questions, lots of them, when evaluating treatment for your loved one. Unless our loved ones life is at serious risk, it is best not to act in desperation.  What sometimes happens is we can lull ourselves into the feeling that these folks are the experts, so, they know what to do. This may be true, they are experts, but there is a tremendously wide variety of treatment approaches and issues that relate specifically to your loved one that impact how these centers should approach care. A great resource for learning more about treatment and care is a book I highly recommend called “Inside Rehab” by Anne Fletcher, and as I mentioned before a qualified recovery coach.

Here are some great questions and advice on considering treatment for your loved one ( Advice on Treatment ) by Dr. Mark Willenbring, a former director of the Treatment and Recovery Research Division of the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), author, and advocate for change in the recovery treatment system.

A few question you might also consider are: How many people drop out of treatment? How long participants typically stay? How many actually complete the program? Is there a waiting list?  According to Drug Strategies, “Even without formal evaluations, programs should be able to provide accurate information on client retention and completion.” Nationally about half of people don’t complete treatment, so if a program’s completion rate is less than that, it may be an indicator of lower quality.

What is most important is that you stay calm and carefully consider which approach is best for your loved one. If you would like more information about choosing the best approach for you loved one fill out our contact form and type “Getting Started” in the comment area.