A Moment I Missed

The other day I saw an interesting meme on Face Book. It said “We never understand the value of someone until that someone becomes a memory.”  WOW, that is profoundly true, and something we all should think about.

It brought to mind memories about the last 12 or so hours of Laurens life. A moment that stands out to me is a conversation that LaLa (Lauren) and I had later in the evening the day before she passed away. We were talking about moving forward in Laurens recovery and how Nereida and I had come to three decisions on how we would try to help Lauren. To learn more about that read “Why We Chose Love”.  In the last few weeks of LaLa’s life we also began to talk about the fact that she, Lauren, would be the one determining how things would go in her recovery and our relationship. We reiterated, that no matter what, we loved her, and were committed to her health and well-being.

The night that Lauren and I had the conversation mentioned above, we had become suspicious that Lauren may have used, she said she had not. As Lauren walked away from the conversation, it seemed to me a weight of guilt and shame was crushing her. I can not remember if the thought was in my mind in that moment, but I know it is in my heart now. I could see the heaviness of that weight in her demeanor and posture. Looking back I longingly wish I had asked her to come back to me and just hugged her. I would not have wanted to say anything more than I had, or tried to “fix” anything, I just would have held her really close. What an amazing moment that would have been for her and I. What an amazing gift it would have been for her in the closing hours of her life, and what a precious memory it would have been for me!

Lauren’s mom, brother and I got the chance to experience many moments like that with her. We talk about one of the most powerful ones in “Looking at This Image Hurts”. They are beautiful memories we hold very close to our hearts.

Please do not misunderstand me, I am not broken about the conversation I am talking about, I just wish I had experienced one more of those priceless moments with LaLa. The truth is, no matter how many of those moments we have shared with that special someone that is now a memory, we always want for more. Later that night, when I went up to bed, I went to Laurens room, kissed her goodnight like I always did, and told her I loved her. I just wish I held her one more time.

The more that time has gone by, it’s been 2 years and 2 weeks since Lauren passed away, the more comfort and assurance LaLa’s mom, brother, and I have that she is in a safe place. Free from pain, anxiety, anorexia and addiction. She is with the Lord. To read about why we have that assurance read “Why We Know Lauren Is Safe”

All relationships take work and effort, but especially so when people we love are fighting addiction or mental health issues, those elements complicate things.

Who is it for you? A friend, family member, is there a letter you should write today?  Please don’t miss the opportunity to let someone know that you just love them. Maybe things haven’t been perfect, maybe there’s been turmoil, pain and dysfunction those elements always have a hard impact in the relationships we have. Or, maybe, you just need to hold them, no words, no agenda, just hold on!

Doing that doesn’t mean we have to be a push over, or are pollyanna in our approach. It simply means we care, and that matters–a lot!

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden, it is called “Holding On”.