Living in the Land of What If

“What If” is a question that gets asked a lot in life, even more so when a loved one is lost unexpectedly.

What if Lauren had never made the choice to try heroin, or any drug for that matter? What if we had been more aware of the signs of mental health struggles when Lauren was very young as I mentioned in last weeks post “Through My Fingers” . A sobering “What If” that our family is very grateful did not happen is, What if Lauren had passed away when she was found unresponsive on a bench outside Dunkin Donuts and we did not get the last 12 months we had with her? You can read about that day in the post “Second Chance”.

We can not get lost in the land of what if’s because we simply do not know and perhaps, we never will. For me, on the day I am re-united with my daughter, the “What If’s” just will not matter.

There is one “What If” I do wish every young person facing a struggle or caught up in a situation they “think” they can’t get out of would understand. What if LaLa (Lauren) had told us when she returned dope sick from Massachusetts: Mom, Dad I need your help I am addicted to heroin?

A profound truth I have come to in life is that: “We can overcome most everything in life, but we can’t overcome it alone.”

Just before LaLa left for college in the summer of 2013, my wife, Nereida, and Lauren went to visit Laurens Aunt in Massachusetts, to say good-bye. On the trip Lauren started going through severe withdrawal for the first time in her life. Heroin withdrawal looks a lot like the flu only magnified many, many times. A few years later, in Laurens medical records she is found saying, “I realized then I was addicted to heroin”, but she never told us. As far as I know she never told anyone until that day mentioned in her medical records. She headed off to college in Florida with the sincere hope that it would be a fresh start for her. A new beginning where she might have escaped the triggers, people and siren call of heroin. You can read the full story about Laurens trip to college in “Eyes Filled With Hope”. I wish every parent with college bound kids, and every young person going to college would read it and the article “College is a Very Dangerous Place”. Lauren did do well at college as it relates to her drug use for four months. Then, for reasons no one knows, I am sure she doesn’t either, she started using again.

Would it have changed anything? Maybe it would have!

The grip of addiction is an ever-tightening spiral. The impact of the drug on the brain and the psychological aspect of addiction coupled with the pain, trauma, or mental health that may be behind addiction make it harder and harder to break free from addiction the longer we use the drug, but it is possible to win. Shockingly to some, the physical elements of addiction do not last long. So, yes I believe that if Lauren had told us the story might have been different, but she didn’t as much as we may wish she had now.

We cannot allow ourselves to get lost in the land of “What If”, it’s not helpful.

This past week the image of we chose for Laurens headstone was mounted. We do visit Laurens gravesite from time to time. In some ways I find comfort in it even though I know she is not there.

With school starting up again, I know I will once again get the chance to tell our story, LaLa’s story to young kids. Many of them will be facing the same challenges Lauren faced. “How Did My Daughter End Up On Heroin” tells the whole story of how that happened for Lauren. As part of my efforts to encourage these young people to get help quickly, I may begin using the image to the right because another “What If” we should ask is “What If This Happens”?

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden titled “The Place Where Secrets Sleep”