Grateful

A famous motivational speaker named Zig Ziglar once said this “Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”

Science and Psychology concur with Mr. Ziglar, Research has shown that gratitude can improve general well-being, increase resilience, strengthen social relationships, and reduce stress and depression. The more grateful people are, the greater their overall well-being and life satisfaction. … Grateful people also have a greater capacity for joy and positive emotions.

Here are two interesting articles that explain some of the science and research behind the power of gratitude. The First is called The Science of Gratitude, the second comes out of Berkley and sites some very compelling research, its called “How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain”. Both are well worth the short read.

When things are not going as we want, or hope, it is not easy to be grateful, but it can be very beneficial to us and the person we love who is fighting addiction or a mental health issues. Maybe both.

As our daughter entered middle school, she began to struggle with what we thought were common teenage concerns. Wanting to be accepted, feelings of not being liked or fitting in, self-consciousness and more. We did not realize that for Lauren, these issues where different. You can watch a 5 minute video that explains how LaLa (that is Laurens favorite nick-name) ended up addicted to heroin here . To learn how different kids respond differently to life’s pressures read any of these posts: Sheltered From the Storm, Stabilize, Junkies Are People Too . Through out the four years that followed Lauren entering middle school, we learned that she was facing a difficult battle with anxiety and anorexia. What we did not know was that by the end of her Senior year in high school Lauren realized she was addicted to heroin. You can read the full story of what happened in “The Summer of Driving”.

I still vividly remember the day we found out that Lauren was addicted to heroin. It was July 17^th 2016, Nereida, LaLa’s best friend and mom, received a call from the hospital saying that Lauren had passed out at a local Dunkin Donuts and we needed to pick her up. As we got to the hospital and noticed things being said, the seriousness of her injuries, police showing up, we realized something wasn’t lining up. All of this didn’t make sense because someone passed out at Dunkin Donuts. We asked Lauren what was going on, eventually she told us that she had been using heroin. We were devastated.

I remember feeling completely drained and broken. How could this happen? What should we do? As we tried to come to terms with what had happened, we discovered more and more about what was going on in Laurens life. What none of us knew was that we would only have another 11 months and 20 days with LaLa.

I am very grateful for those last 8479 hours we had with our daughter. I can not begin to imagine the pain and confusion that would fill our lives now if we did not have those hours. It was a time of great learning about what was happening in Laurens life, understanding some of the elements that got her there, and seeing God do incredible things in her and our entire family.

• I am grateful for the mom and daughter EMT workers who where off duty as they walked by Lauren on a bench. They questioned an individual that was with LaLa asking if she was okay. They where told she was tired and went on their way.
• I am grateful that the mom felt uneasy and came back to the bench to find Lauren non-responsive and alone. The person that was with her left her to die.
• I am grateful for another EMT worker who was in the area for training that had Narcan with him.
• I am grateful that these EMT workers gave us more time with our daughter.
• I am grateful for the time that our family was given to understand how much LaLa was hurting and how much we loved her, and she loved us.
• I am grateful that Nereida, Evan (LaLa’s twin brother), and I deepened our relationship with Lauren during those 8479 hours.
• I am grateful for the many things that came about in Laurens life that help us know that although we miss her incredibly, she is safe. You can read about that aspect of our journey in “Why We Know Lauren is Safe”.
• I am grateful that because of the events explained in “Why We Know Lauren is Safe” Lala was more committed to getting well. She had a long dialogue with a young girl she met through a difference of opinion about addictions causes. In that dialogue, Lauren expressed wanting to get well and helping other girls like her. “A Moment of Great Pride” tells the story. Several of her friends mentioned at her memorial service that she was more focused on her recovery the previous month than she had been in the past. She had changed on the inside, sadly, she just ran out of time. That’s the danger of prolonging recovery.
• Most surprisingly, and some might feel it is strange, I am grateful not for her death, but for the fact that she died in our home. The place where she was loved the most.
• We are also very grateful that when LaLa breathed her last breath in this world, she knew, her family loved her deeply.
• We are grateful that although we still feel the pain of losing LaLa for a while, we do not walk alone, God is with us in this journey.

Dealing with someone who is addicted is a balancing act. There has to be a constant evaluation of how we are moving our loved one in the direction of recovery. How we are allowing them to own the outcomes of their decisions in a supportive way, and how we are constantly informing them that we support them and love them, no matter what they choose.

True it may be hard, sometimes very hard, but if we look carefully we can find plenty to be grateful for, which will make the work easier, and us healthier.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden. It is entitled “Balancing Act”. I am very grateful to Brooke for the ways her images have helped me process the loss of my daughter, and for her allowing me to use her images on We Chose Love.