A Strategy for Staying Healthy

Last week we were all sadly reminded of the frailty of life. A helicopter carrying one of our world’s superstars with some family and friends crashed killing everyone on board. Shortly after in another part of the world another helicopter crashed taking the lives of more than 30 US soldiers. Both equally tragic because families, wives, husbands, children, parents, and friends are hurting today. Their world has been altered.

By the sheer magnitude of his presence and fame, the loss of Kobe Bryant and his beautiful daughter is news, big news. Like most people, I did not know Kobe Bryant except through his notoriety. Neither am I a huge sports follower. One thing that always impressed me about him was that he seemed to use the fame earned through his life accomplishments, to be a positive influence, there are so many people that don’t take advantage of that and I admired him for it. My heart goes out to those who were close to him and his daughter, as it does to every family that lost loved ones due to these crashes. These events are huge reminders that life, tomorrow, is never guaranteed.

Although it is something you don’t want to think of, this reality creeps into the corners of your mind when you love somebody with a severe addiction, anorexia and in some cases extreme mental health issues. “I can lose them! ” I never wanted to believe that but the thought often crossed my mind. On one particular morning, that fear descended on me like a foreboding cloud. In response to that darkness, I shared a profound moment with Lauren. You can read about it in “Looking at This Image Hurts”. On July 6^th, 2017 at about 2:20 PM that fear became reality, and our world, Nereida, Evan and myself, changed!

In our last post, I mentioned that no matter who you are you fit into one of the three categories below:

1. Addiction isn’t an issue for me so how can I support those I love and keep it that way.
2. I don’t know if addiction is an issue for the people I love, how can I identify it?
3. It is an issue for me or someone I love, how can I get help?

Today I want to speak to the first category. If you and those you love are in a healthy place I am very happy for you. On how you can keep heading in that direction, here are several thoughts to keep in mind:

First, do not be overwhelmed by fear. Many leadership and psychology websites and blogs use an acronym for FEAR. It says FEAR is “False Evidence Appearing Real”. It is true, there is an Opioid/drug epidemic in our country and the world. It is true that more and more people are succumbing to issues anxiety, depression, bi-polar and schizophrenia. Gabor Mate is right when he says Instead of asking why the addiction, we should be asking why so much pain?

We all must walk a fine line of balance when the people we love (especially our children) are not struggling with addiction or mental health issues, we must be careful to assess what is happening in the life of our loved one, but not overreact in FEAR. We want to be aware of the dangers, but not alarmists.

Some really good advice comes from a young man who battles a long term war with schizophrenia. In a book his dad wrote about his life called “No one cares about crazy people” , Ron Powers shared a sobering story about his sons Dean and Kevin. In college, Dean wrote a report about Mental Health. In a short paragraph, Dean reveals what we need to keep focusing on when our loved one is doing well, to assure they continue on that path. Dean said this:

“Good mental health is important in anyone’s life if they hope to enjoy it. Someone who is mentally healthy can maintain a more positive outlook on things… People who maintain a balance of good mental and physical health seek intellectual stimulation, and human interaction, and make creative use of their time through work and volunteer activities. This promotes self-confidence and an overall good feeling about themselves. Stress is the punishing our bodies experience as we adjust to our continually changing environment… [It] can result in feelings of distrust, rejection, anger, and depression, which in turn can lead to health problems… With the death of a loved one, the birth of a child, a job promotion, or a new relationship, we experience stress as we readjust our lives. Identify the causes of stress in your life. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with a family member, friend, co-worker or counselor can help you see your problems in a different way. Try not to get depressed. Depression can make you feel miserable… Set short-term and life goals for yourself… Realize that drugs and alcohol don’t solve life’s problems. Develop a sense of humor and make time for fun. Schedule time for play and become involved in activities that make you laugh.” Powers, Ron. No One Cares About Crazy People (pp. 206-207). Hachette Books. Kindle Edition.

Those are powerful and effective actions to take when our loved one is not struggling with addiction or mental health, and we want to keep it that way. It also reveals an effective strategy when those we love may be trapped in addiction and we want to help them move towards wellness. Within only a few years after writing that paragraph this bright, talented and caring young man’s world was changed by the onslaught of schizophrenia.

Here is a bullet point list of what Dean advises:

• Work at having good mental and physical health.
• Be active in Intellectual stimulation.
• Experience human interaction.
• Creatively use time through work, volunteering, interests and developing new skills.
• Identify any causes of stress in your life.
• Share thoughts and feelings with the people you trust.
• Try not to get depressed. I find it compelling Dean puts the onus for this on us.
• Set short term life goals.  This is very important.
• Realize that drugs and alcohol don’t help.
• Develop a healthy sense of humor and make time for fun.
• Schedule time for play and be involved in activities that make you laugh.

In hindsight one of the things I noticed in  LaLa (Lauren) was that she slowly stopped laughing. You can look at the progression of her school pictures and see where things started to change. I wish I had understood that when it was happening.

If we are not facing substance abuse or mental health disorders ourselves or someone we love is not, following the words Dean Powers shares will surely help assure we will stay on that path.

It is also a great plan to encourage our loved ones that they can be healthy and face addiction or mental health with hope.

In our next post, we will talk about ways we can identify when someone we care about may be facing addiction or mental health issues.

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden. It is called “Her obstacles “