Derailment

The other day I learned of a family whose lives have been ravaged by the coronavirus. The husband works in an environment that is high risk and contracted the virus despite proper safety protocol. Clearly, without his knowledge he brought the virus home. No one knew until he began showing serious symptoms and had to be rushed to the hospital. He was tested, as was his family and it was revealed that his wife was infected as well. Doctors did what needed to be done and the entire family was quarantined. The man, with no extenuating issues, continued to spiral into poor health and had to be rushed to the hospital again with serious breathing issues. Thankfully, his wife is fairing better but one of the children is beginning to show symptoms.

Hearing this story reminded me of the devastation that can happen when a train is classified as a “Runaway”. A runaway train is a type of railroad incident in which unattended rolling stock is accidentally allowed to roll onto the mainline, a moving train loses enough braking power to be unable to stop in safety, or a train operates at unsafe speeds due to loss of operator control. If the uncontrolled rolling stock derails or hits another train, it will result in a train wreck. The image here

is a very famous derailment in Paris. It is called The Montparnasse derailment it occurred at 16:00 on 22 October 1895 when the Granville–Paris Express overran the buffer stop at its Gare Montparnasse terminus. With the train several minutes late and the driver trying to make up for lost time, it entered the station too fast and the train air brake failed to stop it. After running through the buffer stop, the train crossed the station concourse and crashed through the station wall; the locomotive fell onto the Place de Rennes below, where it stood on its nose.

This image, and hearing this story of this family, clearly reminds me of what addiction and mental health can do to a family. It is a train wreck!

The image of LaLa on the train is shortly after our world had come crashing to a screeching halt. Only days before we discovered, in a very painful way that, LaLa (Lauren) was addicted to heroin. To learn what happened read the article “The Summer of Driving.”

One of the things that gripped me before we even knew about the addiction was how Lauren’s struggles impacted our entire family. It felt like a train crashing through the safe walls of our home. I remember so well the day LaLa and I went for the train ride at Essex Train Museum in Connecticut. Lauren’s brother Evan and her mom had been in Florida getting Evan settled in a new apartment. Lauren and I stayed behind, which was the original plan, but now drastically changed because only a week or so before she was left for dead on a bench outside a Dunkin Donuts. “The Summer of Driving.” tells the heart-wrenching details of that day.

The time I got to spend with LaLa over those 10 days was very meaningful. We learned more about each other, we grew closer together, we both tried to understand what on earth was happening in our lives!

The day at the train museum was a day where we got to laugh and smile together in spite of the crisis around us. Looking back now I realize that the shades Lauren wore were probably hiding something. It is shocking how much you can miss when you are in the chaos and emotion of this kind of crisis.

I discovered a song this week that I believe clearly depicts a lot of what Lauren may have felt in that last year of her life. It is called “Runaway Train” by Soul Asylum, here are the lyrics:

Call you up in the middle of the night

Like a firefly without a light

You were there like a slow torch burning

I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn’t even sleep

So many secrets I couldn’t keep

Promised myself I wouldn’t weep

One more promise I couldn’t keep

It seems no one can help me now

I’m in too deep

There’s no way out

This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back

Wrong way on a one way track

Seems like I should be getting somewhere

Somehow I’m neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile

Make it somehow all seem worthwhile

How on earth did I get so jaded

Life’s mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go

I know what no one else knows

Here I am just drownin’ in the rain

With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry

Day and night, earth and sky

Somehow I just don’t believe it

Runaway train never going back

Wrong way on a one way track

Seems like I should be getting somewhere

Somehow I’m neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train

Like a madman laughin’ at the rain

Little out of touch, little insane

Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin’ back

Wrong way on a one way track

Seems like I should be getting somewhere

Somehow I’m neither here nor there

Runaway train never comin’ back

Runaway train tearin’ up the track

Runaway train burnin’ in my veins

Runaway but it always seems the same

Soul Asylum

The question we all need to ask is, “How do you stop a Runaway Train?” A movie with Denzel Washington and Chris Pine called “Unstoppable” gives us a hint. In the movie Frank Barnes (Denzel Washington) and Will Colson (Chris Pine) spend all of their time doing one thing, trying to regain control of the train.

So how do we get the runaway train that may be our loved one’s life back under control? By taking control of what we can control, and thats not our addicted loved one.

Answering a few simple questions can help.

First, do I really understand what my loved one is facing? This is vitally important but is very complicated, especially if your loved one is fighting an addiction and mental health.

What is addiction to you?

• A choice.
• A chronic illness.
• A medical issue.
• A spiritual issue.

You may gravitate to one or two of the above but the real answer is all of the above, that is why it is so complicated and must be addressed at each level. Understanding what is happening to our loved one through addiction helps those of us trying to help be balanced in our approach to how we interact with them.

The second question to answer is one that lots of people ask, “What can I do?” This is where you can exert the most control because you are the only thing you can control and change. You have to be sure first that you are healthy and well. That’s challenging but the reality is we can’t help our loved one if we are not as healthy as we can be. Next, we have to be sure the way we are communicating and interacting with an addicted loved one holds them responsible for their actions, demonstrates our love and support no matter what and continuously encourages them toward getting help to move forward to recovery. The blog post “Friends and Family” can offer specifics on tools to do this.

You can stop the train don’t jump off!

This weeks featured image os by Brooke Shaden. I do not know its title but it reminds me of a train.