There Can Be a Path Home

Today marks two events for me. One, the most impactful event of my life, the day my daughter lost her life due to a fentanyl and carfentanil laced heroin overdose.

That statement demands a long pause because that is what it caused in our lives, a long, drawn-out pause. The rest of the world moves on, people return to the business of their own lives – as they must – but a part of our lives altered.

Somewhere around a month after Lauren passed away, I came to a new understanding of grief in the face of losing someone you love very deeply: a child, a sister, or a deeply caring, trusted friend. Everything centered around that person moves at a painfully slow pace, it still does. The only way I could attempt to describe it is that it feels like you are neck-deep in thick, dense mud trying to move forward!

This marks the fourth year since Nereida (Laurens mom), Evan (Laurens twin, or in her words “My A1 since day 1”), and I lost someone that filled every space of our lives, someone we loved very deeply.

The second is tied to LaLa’s passing, it was the beginning of this blog. We started it on the one-year anniversary of Laurens death. “Anniversary” never feels like the right word to tie to that event.

My wife had encouraged me to start the blog on the one-year anniversary of Laurens passing. This post marks the 140^th blog post. It was our hope that the blog would be an encouragement to people, families, facing the same situations.

One of the things that was heartbreaking to me in navigating the years of Laurens life battling mental health issues (anxiety and anorexia) and especially addiction, was that I simply did not know what to do, nor could I seem to connect with the right resources. I say especially addiction because I was an addict, I understood that world. My journey to wellness came through my faith experience. I have learned that while that happens to lots of people like me, there are also people like Lauren that need someone to walk with them. This post – “What is addiction?” – explains the four areas we must impact to overcome an addiction or mental health issue in life. Honestly, this thought haunts me because it is important to know what paths we can take when our loved one is calling out for help or needs it.

In the month of July, I will be using this post and the three posts to walk folks through the areas we can focus on when someone we love is in addiction that may be combined with a mental health issue. Each post will focus on specific areas for us to consider. For each topic, I will list several past posts that deal with the specific areas we are talking pointing out. The truth is there is always a path home.

My purpose in this is twofold:

One, I believe it will help people discover a path or plan they can follow to be assured they are doing all they can.

Two, it will help me to begin to categorize all of the information on the We Chose Love blog so people can navigate it more effectively to find the information that will help them where they are. This is a place that I feel can improve the blog making it more helpful for addicted individuals and/or the people that want to help them.

This week we will answer the question “I just discovered someone I love is addicted, what should I do next?” UNDERSTAND!

 

When I say understand I mean in two areas:

1 How/why addiction may be happening in my loved ones’ life?

2 What options of treatment are there that will work for them?

 

How/why addiction is happening in my loved one’s life?

This is important because most of us see addiction through the filter of our experience or lack thereof. Some people have a mindset that addiction is a choice. Others feel that addiction is a disease. Many are coming to understand that addiction is a combination of many factors and elements including components of those mentioned above.

What is addiction?  – This post explains the four areas we should be mounting our attack on addiction or mental health issues. It includes a very in-depth explanation of what addiction is.

How did my daughter end up on heroin? – Tells the story of the many areas that impacted Laurens’s life and contributed to her addiction. It helps us understand that addiction is intricate and complicated.

She’s all better now – This article reveals some explanations of why we see some of the actions and behaviors our loved one does that seem to contradict themselves.

 

What options for treatment are available to help my loved in addiction?

If we overcame addiction through a 12 step program then that’s what we feel would help everyone. If we heard a story once of a person who lost everything and became destitute and forced to “hit rock bottom” and it worked, we think that is what everyone should do. If we watch a story on TV about an intervention and it saved the person then we think this is what should happen in our loved ones’ situation. All of the aforementioned have worked, but, they do not work every time for every person.

My loved on is addicted now what?     Did you just discover someone you really care about is addicted. This post gives some clear direction on what your next few steps should be.

Inside the brain of your addicted loved one  Two great videos about what takes place in the brain when someone uses drugs on an ongoing basis. The videos are practical and easily relatable to what is happening in side our loved one. The blog also offers some unique and successful treatment options.

Help your loved one break the trap of addiction This post provides very detailed explanations of many of the treatment resources available.

The above posts will provide a wealth of information and direction on putting together a plan to help yourself, or your loved one. The important thing is to take action in the right direction. You can win!

I have also included a list of many helpful books on addiction and mental health:

Addiction and Virtue: Beyond the Models of Disease and Choice – Kent Dunnington

Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave – Edward T. Welch

Beautiful Boy: A Fathers Journey Through His Sons Addiction – David Sheff

Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change – Jeffrey Foote

Chasing the Scream: The First and Last Days of the War on Drugs – Johann Hari

Clean: Overcoming Addiction and Ending Americas Greatest Tragedy – David Sheff

Darkness Is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness – Kathryn Greene-McCreight

Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening – Robert Meyer

Highjacked Brains: The Experience and Science of Chronic Addiction – Henrietta Robin Barnes

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction – Gabor Mate

Inside Rehab: The Surprising Truth About Addiction Treatment and How to Get Help That Works – Anne Fletcher

Instant Influence: How to Get Anyone to Anything Fast – Michael Pantelon

Lost Connections – Johann Hari                                                                            

Safety in Numbers: From 56 to 221 Pounds, My Battle With Eating Disorders – Brittany Burgunder

The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves – Curt Thompson

Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores – Diane Langburg

Terry: My Daughters Life and Death Struggle with Alcoholism – George McGovern

Troubled Minds: Mental Illness and the Churches Mission – Amy Simpson

Unbroken Brain: The Revolutionary New Way of Understanding Addiction – Maia Szalavitz

 

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden, I am aware of the title of this image, but I know it was taken in the icy waters of Iceland. It was not easy. and honestly risky. The image reminds me that to overcome an addiction or mental health issue we must do what we think we can not. That is always easier when others are there with us!