Running Out of Steam

Running out of steam. That’s easy to do in life. Especially when you are traveling the uphill ascent alongside someone you care about facing addiction. A lot of things go wrong, it is easy to be overwhelmed.

Reflecting on our family’s journey while trying to help our daughter Lauren overcome addiction, anorexia, and anxiety; nothing more clearly represents the reality mentioned above than what happened on a stairway in less than a 24 hour period.

It was an average evening in our home. At around 10 o’clock I went up to bed. Nereida, Lauren, and Evan stayed up very late. As I drifted in and out of sleep, I could hear them talking. When they finally came up to bed they were still laughing and giggling as they walked up the stairs. The sound of that laughter was sweet to hear. I distinctly remember smiling. Especially Lauren’s laughter because we did not hear her laugh that much anymore. That night she was “our” Lauren, and it was always wonderful when the true Lauren could shine through the dark mist of addiction, anorexia, and anxiety. I remember thinking, this must be a turning point and maybe it was. The next night, on the same stairway, I had no choice but to physically restrain my little girl to make her come downstairs to clean the salad she had thrown across our living room. Later, weeping, I tried to understand what was happening to us as a family. How could one night be filled with such hope and the next with so much pain?

As I sat there broken, I honestly had nothing left. I felt very much like this image by Kristin Perantoni of artist Brooke Shaden (Be sure to read a brief bio of the image at the end of this post)

When that happens the best thing, we can do is give ourselves a little time. Don’t act or respond while the emotions are high and the emptiness overwhelming. Let yourself calm down internally.

Once that has happened, we then need to create a plan to move forward in trying to help our loved one, but also take care of ourselves.

The post “My Greatest Fear” offers some suggestion when we are forced to allow our loved one to own the outcomes of their actions. It’s a hard place to be, but there is hope.

Listed below are several posts that present options on how we can keep going in the fight to help someone we care about recover from the hard fall of addiction.

 Feeble Hints for Fellow Strugglers – this post is a helpful reminder that you are not alone. It’s true, everyone has an opinion about how to help a loved one battling an addiction. To stay motivated in moving forward we need to work on the plan that is working for us and our loved one.

She’s All Better Now – To stay motivated I must be sure I am not setting myself or my loved one up for failure. This post explains a few of the ways we can do that.

These people are trying to help us – It is easy to fall into a trap where we feel everyone is against us or our loved one. Many are not.

Disheartened – Faith can be a helpful path to staying motivated even when you feel you can’t move forward. This blog shares a few thoughts on getting back up when you feel you have nothing left.

Happy Days – I once heard a motorcycle instructor explain to Lauren that when entering a rough turn on and off-road path on her dirt bike it was very important to look where you wanted to go, not at what you wanted to avoid. It’s good advice when loving someone in addiction too.

Conversations – Celebrate the little victories your loved one gives you. Insights into how they got where they are. Why do they feel pain. How they are seeing progress. They matter and can keep us heading in the right direction.

I know that working with someone in addiction is a hard road, part of staying motivated is remembering to take care of you too. You can help them only to the extent that you are healthy first. Keep fighting!

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden. I am not aware of the title. The image of Brooke was created by Kristin Perantoni. To create it Brooke literally threw herself against the wall several times.

Please do not stop the fight to overcome your addiction or help somebody you love to do so!