A Dream Down the Road Matters

FUNNY YOU SHOULD THINK OF THAT

This week I had an echocardiogram. Like a lot of things in life—a life impacted by the loss that was senseless—it reminded me of my daughter Lauren. I’m sure LaLa’s mom and brother would say the

same, “Lots of things remind me of Lauren.” An echocardiogram just doesn’t seem like it would be high on the list!

Normally it wouldn’t be unless you realized that for LaLa it represented hope. For her, it represented a light in the long tunnel back to wellness. She was moving in that direction.

HEADING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

The last night I spoke with Lauren we talked about what triggered the memory in the doctor’s office for me. Through a whole series of events, many excruciatingly painful, Lala’s thinking was changing and causing life choices that would foster ongoing recovery.

She was beginning to have open conversations with others about getting well. In a profoundly transparent Facebook post, she acknowledged her long-term addiction and desire to change. In addition, she was showing some very clear signs of ambivalence. Many people mistakenly take ambivalence as a negative when in fact, although dangerous (the latest CDC report on overdoses, mostly by fentanyl, explains why I say this) in today’s drug world is actually a positive step for my addicted loved one. The blog post “Ambivalence” explains more.

I WAS SO PROUD OF HER

The reason my visit to my doctor reminded me so much of LaLa was that Lauren was planning on attending St. Vincents College in their Radiography Program only about six weeks from the day she passed away. I was so proud of her because I realized it was a big step in the right direction.

Lauren had a dream of being involved in the fashion world more on the admin side rather than design. She was accepted to Fashion Institute in NYC, no easy accomplishment, in 2015. Blue Skys tells the story of how her mom and I prayed for that not to happen but it did. As the demons Lauren was fighting revealed themselves, we realized that there were influences all around that weren’t helping LaLa. The fashion industry was one of them. Lauren realized it too.

Through lots of discussions and prayer Lauren, her mom, and I a career in Radiography might be perfect for LaLa. She was excited about it and we were proud that she was taking more steps to get well.

BE ENCOURAGING EVERY CHANCE YOU GET

On the night Lauren and I were talking, unknowingly less than 24 hours before she would be gone, I shared with her some thoughts. Looking back I think if they were just a little louder in her heart she might be with us today.

I shared with her how I was grateful she asked me to watch a short Ted TALK called  “Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong” by Johann Hari and read his book, “Chasing the Scream”. I applauded her about how if she would keep doing what she was doing in a couple of years it would all be behind her and she would have a new life. I told her that I knew it was hard at times now and encouraged her to keep fighting. What I did not know was that for 5 days she was fighting severe cravings. I wish so much she had shared that with us so we could have loved her through it.

Another found memory of that night was when her mom and I picked her up. We were driving home and my eyes caught Laurens in the review mirror. She was playing with a small bracelet I had bought only weeks before on a trip to California. We smiled at one another!

I WISH LAUREN HAD KEPT LOOKING FORWARD

The last smile I ever saw on LaLa’s face was in that rearview mirror. It is precious to me, but I sure wish she had kept her eye on what waited for her only weeks down the road. Help your loved one see the chance of a different future. Stand by them and keep the vision alive with them.

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden. I do not know the title but the caption in it reads : “When your future isn’t clear let your dreams guide you”