Never Forget “You Are Seen”

Mores are the customs, norms, and behaviors that are acceptable to society or social groups. They are not necessarily based on written law and they can change. Mores are something regarded as a normative example.

For the purposes of this post, I would like to apply this definition to us as individuals. We have things, mores, we tell ourselves that may not always be true or accurate, but we treat them as if they are.

A CHANCE TO SPEAK TO 1000 YOUNG PEOPLE

This week I had the opportunity to speak at an event hosted by the DEA and States Attorney’s Office in my state. They use as a foundation of the presentation a film called “Chasing the Dragon” produced by the justice departments H.E.A.T. group. H.E.A.T. stands for Heroin Education Action Team . The premise of the presentation is to inform young people about what addiction can do to a person, how my use of drugs affects people around me, the pandemic of overdoses, and highlight efforts by authorities and community groups to keep those we love alive. It is an effective program.

THESE YOUNG PEOPLE IMPRESSED ME

When I came home from the presentation I mentioned to my wife how engaged the 9^th and 11^th graders were (I did not speak to the entire school of 2000). The two groups I spoke with were about 1100 students. They were genuinely focused and hungry to understand why drugs are not a good path to walk. My heart was saddened when an agent from the States Attorney’s Office asked the question “How many people had someone close to them that was addicted to opiods?” Nearly half the crowd in both groups raised their hands. I could see that these young people wanted to be informed so they could make a difference.

As I was planning for the event I decided that rather than highlight the facts and figures of the heartbreaking tragedy of how addiction of any kind impacts all of us. I wanted them to walk away with a sense of what those that care about us: friends, family, trusted counselors and advisors, have to go through if we are gone.

I built everything I said on the statement: “You Are Seen.” By that, I simply meant that there are people that do care about us, do want to help, and do love us. Not everybody sees us, but to the ones that do, losing us leaves a constant hole in their heart. I think these young people got it and understood. I was very grateful for all the wonderful questions and feedback many students gave me.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU TELL YOURSELF

The truth is, as much as we do not want to admit this, we all talk to ourselves. A lot more than we would like to admit. The reality is that our self-talk greatly influences our behavior in and response to our world. In the modern world of drugs, this can be very costly!

There were three things Lauren, the daughter I lost at 22 years old senselessly to heroin addiction, told herself. The problem is they were not true. My hope for anyone reading this and the students I had the privilege to speak with is that they and you will not tell yourself these things.

THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO ME

Every person taking drugs of any kind tells themselves this. We look around and see what’s happening but are confident we will be different. This past year the CDC reported 105,000 plus overdose deaths in America. The vast majority of those are connected to fentanyl. Fentanyl can be found in all forms of drugs you can get today, even pot. The problem is a lot of people die from small doses of fentanyl (see the image of the three bottles). There are lots of reasons people end up addicted. A response to pain or fear – family history – mental health issues – desire to escape—desire to fit in—trying to overcome the sometimes, boredom of life. Watch this 6-and-a-half-minute video “How did my daughter end up on heroin?” to learn how this happened for LaLa. Several years back statistics said 1 in 10 people will end up addicted. It is probably a higher percentage now! The sad reality is we never know if it will happen to us until it has already happened. In today’s fentanyl-ridden drug world waiting to find out is extremely risky.

I CAN STOP THIS ON MY OWN

YOU CAN’T! Did I say that loud enough? That’s what my daughter thought. Her intentions were good, but it was just too hard. Lauren was planning to attend the University of Connecticut. She did not want to live on campus, so we toured one of their satellite campuses. I think she learned something on that visit that I was grateful for. While not a reflection of the school, LaLa must have felt it might be an atmosphere where it would be hard for her to manage getting well. She probably thought it would be a very triggering environment. By this time, unknown to us, Lauren realized she was addicted to heroin, which must have played a big part in her later decision. The post “Eyes Filled With Hope” Explains Lauren’s mindset in detail. When we got home that night, she asked me if she could look at a small private school in Florida where her twin brother, Evan, would be attending. This was a big step for her since she did not want to leave home for college. The mistake she made was that she left for school never telling us she was addicted to heroin. It all worked for a while, but after 4 months someone from school saw her at a gas station. They asked her, “Do you like to party?” I wish she had said no! I do believe that as humans we can overcome anything, but we will never do that alone!

JUST ONE MORE TIME

Most addicts have said this many times. Sadly, there is often one time too many, that’s what happened to my beautiful daughter. It was one time too many! IT COST US EVERYTHING! How I wish she had not told herself that!

Lauren once said to a friend a few days before she passed away, “Once I started using heroin, nothing else mattered anymore”.

In some way she was right, she never did use heroin again. It was just not the way we had hoped.

YOU CAN BE DIFFERENT

I asked those young people I spoke with not to tell themselves what “LaLa” did. I also had three requests for them.

• Please do not isolate.

Isolation is the first indicator that you need the help of others.

• Please take a risk and ask for help.

Taking that first step is scary. The best way to approach that is small steps at a time. I will set up an appointment. I will talk to someone about it. I will visit a resource site. Keep looking at the next step, not trying to figure out what the entire journey looks like before I act.

• PLEASE DON’T LISTEN TO GUILT & SHAME.

If you read my daughter’s autopsy report it says “She died from extreme intoxication due to a fentanyl and carfentanyl laced heroin overdose” … but that did not kill her … WHAT KILLED HER WAS THE GUILT & SHAME that kept her from reaching out for help from those that loved her the most!

Please don’t let yourself or someone you love do that.

This weeks featured image is by Brooke Shaden, It is called “Quite the night”.