The title of todays post, “Isn’t Family Worth a Shot?” is a line from the Blue Bloods show. It is from Episode 21  from Season 9 entitled “Identity”

LIFE IMITATES ART

Each episode like a lot of shows has two or three correlating storylines unfolding in harmony to get the message of the episode across. One of the stories was about Henry Reagan a retired NYC Police Commissioner and the father of Francis Reagan current NYC Police Commissioner finds the package left for him on his front door (an old locket of his wife’s that he had repaired for Nicky Reagan, his granddaughter as a graduation present) stolen..

It turns out that after asking His also senior lady neighbor, Donna Duvall, if she has seen anything. She provides footage from her security camera showing the thief is her granddaughter, Alexis, sadly, an incorrigible addict. Later in the show in a poignant scene (25:34 minutes to 27:35), Henry had arranged to be notified if Alexis was picked up by the police. She was and Henry brings her to Donna’s house to see if she wanted to speak with her addicted granddaughter. She tells Henry she is done, like I am sure some of you have said, maybe often. As the conversation continues to unfold and Henry has arranged for her to go to one of the best rehabs in Brooklyn, he explains to the grandmother, “Isn’t Family Worth a Shot”. It is! Akexis made the choice to get well, move home and go to rehab.

As the show wraps up (35:54 to 37:53) we find that the addicted granddaughter had done what too many addicts do when they are going to rehab. Used “One more time”! She did not survive. Henry and Donna have a conversation trying to sort out what they could have done differently. Henry concludes that maybe he did not help by connecting them, but Donna responds that he did help them,  “Even if just for one minute I had that little girl back”

It was not an easy episode for my wife and I to watch. It brought up many of the feelings we experienced in loving LaLa through her addiction. Donna’s last words resound in my head and heart.

TRYING TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT

I remember two occasions that were similar to Alexis and Donna’s story:

After Lauren had overdosed two days in a row, the local hospital promised to detox her on the condition that she would go directly to a residential rehab on completion of her detox. On the way to the rehab Lauren wanted to stop home to get some things and take a shower. It was a stressful time for all of us. Our hearts were so completely flooded with the fear that she would use we made sure she was not out of our sight for a moment. It was very painful for all of us, probably LaLa the most, but we were trying to keep our beautiful girl alive. The Dangers of Being Alone | We Chose Love  tells more about this painful and perhaps worse day of my life to that moment. There would be more to come, although I could not imagine it.

Another moment is why those words, “For one minute I had that little girl back” echo in the deepest parts of my heart. I am not sure this was more connected to LaLa’s anxiety or addiction but it would show up often. Loving an addicted person leaves you never knowing what to expect. Would Lauren be pleasant and sweet, I referred to this as LaLa in “little girl mode” or would she be flat-out toxic. Honestly, little girl mode was a welcome respite from the constant stress. Any situation could turn on a dime by the way.  Uncertain | We Chose Love explains more about this. To me it seemed like Lauren was trying to grab little pieces of what she might call “normal” life. She once said to me “Dad, I don’t do heroin to get high, I am trying to get somewhere close to being normal again.” Maybe being “little girl Lauren” help her feel safe again. In many ways it did that for me!

MY LOVED ONE IS ADDICTTED NOW WHAT

That’s a common question, the first thing is UNDERSTAND.

Below is an exert from the post “There Can Be a Path Home”.

When I say understand I mean in two areas:

1 How/why addiction may be happening in my loved ones’ life?

2 What options of treatment are there that will work for them?

How/why addiction is happening in my loved one’s life?

This is important because most of us see addiction through the filter of our experience or lack thereof. Some people have a mindset that addiction is a choice. Others feel that addiction is a disease. Many are coming to understand that addiction is a combination of many factors and elements including components of those mentioned above.

What is addiction?  – This post explains the four areas we should be mounting our attack on addiction or mental health issues. It includes a very in-depth explanation of what addiction is.

How did my daughter end up on heroin? – Tells the story of the many areas that impacted Laurens’s life and contributed to her addiction. It helps us understand that addiction is intricate and complicated.

She’s all better now – This article reveals some explanations of why we see some of the actions and behaviors our loved one does that seem to contradict themselves.

 

What options for treatment are available to help my loved in addiction?

If we overcame addiction through a 12 step program then that’s what we feel would help everyone. If we heard a story once of a person who lost everything and became destitute and forced to “hit rock bottom” and it worked, we think that is what everyone should do. If we watch a story on TV about an intervention and it saved the person then we think this is what should happen in our loved ones’ situation. All of the aforementioned have worked, but, they do not work every time for every person.

My loved on is addicted now what?     Did you just discover someone you really care about is addicted. This post gives some clear direction on what your next few steps should be.

Inside the brain of your addicted loved one  Two great videos about what takes place in the brain when someone uses drugs on an ongoing basis. The videos are practical and easily relatable to what is happening in side our loved one. The blog also offers some unique and successful treatment options.

Help your loved one break the trap of addiction This post provides very detailed explanations of many of the treatment resources available.

The above posts will provide a wealth of information and direction on putting together a plan to help yourself, or your loved one. The important thing is to take action in the right direction. You can win!

FAMILY CAN BE THE GAME-CHANGER

As Henry said “Isn’t Family Worth a Shot”, it is, and it can help.

I have also included a list of many helpful books on addiction and mental health:

Addiction and Virtue: Beyond the Models of Disease and Choice – Kent Dunnington

Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave – Edward T. Welch

Beautiful Boy: A Fathers Journey Through His Sons Addiction – David Sheff

Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change – Jeffrey Foote

Chasing the Scream: The First and Last Days of the War on Drugs – Johann Hari

Clean: Overcoming Addiction and Ending Americas Greatest Tragedy – David Sheff

Darkness Is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness – Kathryn Greene-McCreight

Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening – Robert Meyer

Highjacked Brains: The Experience and Science of Chronic Addiction – Henrietta Robin Barnes

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction – Gabor Mate

Inside Rehab: The Surprising Truth About Addiction Treatment and How to Get Help That Works – Anne Fletcher

Instant Influence: How to Get Anyone to Anything Fast – Michael Pantelon

Lost Connections – Johann Hari                                                                            

Safety in Numbers: From 56 to 221 Pounds, My Battle With Eating Disorders – Brittany Burgunder

The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves – Curt Thompson

Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores – Diane Langburg

Terry: My Daughters Life and Death Struggle with Alcoholism – George McGovern

Troubled Minds: Mental Illness and the Churches Mission – Amy Simpson

Unbroken Brain: The Revolutionary New Way of Understanding Addiction – Maia Szalavitz