Somebody stop this, PLEASE?
September 21, 2018
“No Mom, you don’t understand, my mind is going a million miles an hour in a million different directions and I can’t stop it.”
That is what Lauren said to her mom after Nereida had told her how well she was doing and how proud we were of her.
In my opinion, be aware, I am not a health care professional, all of Laurens issues started with anxiety. In “How did my daughter end up on Heroin”, I explain that early signs began for LaLa in Middle School. Many people do not realize over 50% of people facing an addiction disorder, are also facing a mental health issue. When this is the case, t’s called a “Co-occuring” disorder. There are some that quote even higher percentages, but those percentages force the question: “Is the mental health issue driving the addiction or is the addiction driving the mental health issue?”
For Lauren, the baggage that came along with addiction, legal issues, the complications of everyday life, and the constant screamof the addiction gnawing at you, magnified her anxiety, often uncontrollably.
After Lauren had received a DUI, her anxiety was at full throttle. It was heartbreaking to see. She could not even function or think. That was how we where able to get her in treatment for Anorexia. I had learned that anorexics are more likely to abuse substances or alcohol and do suffer increased anxiety. Not knowing about her addiction yet, I assumed that her drinking and raging anxiety were the results of her not eating. Eventually she said, “Dad, I can’t make this decision, please make it for me, I can’t think.” At that point we decided she would go to Massachusetts to Walden Behavioral Care. At Walden Lauren met a counselor that she truly connected with. That counselor helped her in many ways. Looking back I realize that Lauren made the best progress while at Walden, in part because of this one counselor, and the friends she had made. She also did very well in treatment with a local Therapist. Once we realized that Lauren was addicted that issue became center stage. I wish we had continued to work equally as much on Laurens anorexia. In the book “Freedom from Anxiety and Depression” by Mike Marino, we learn that Addiction and Mental Health issues must be fought on five fronts:
Biologically, which means we should be eating well and exercising.
Medically, there may be medications that we should take because they can help us. Many folks struggle with the use of Suboxone, or Methadone, when administered in proper doses with supportive counseling these medications can be invaluable in helping people overcome addiction. This relates to Mental Health issues as well.
Psychologically, counselling and therapy is important, especially when on medications. In many ways the use of the drug or the behavior in the case of Mental Health has become the default coping skill for everything in life. New coping skills must be developed and practiced. As families trying to help those we love we should be looking for treatments that use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT, it has proven to be very effective in addiction treatment. Motivational Interviewing practices, and for families a program called CRAFT. CRAFT stands for Community Reinforcement and Family Training. It was created by Dr. Robert Myer of University of New Mexico. In two clinical studies it has been over 70% successful in moving loved ones resistant to treatment into recovery over a twelve-month period. In October and November, the Oxford LPC OASIS will be hosting a three-session workshop that teaches the skills of craft to families. The workshop runs on Saturday October 13th 9AM to 2PM, Monday October 22nd 6PM to 8:30PM, Monday November 5th 6PM to 8:30PM. Cost is only $50.00 which will be refund is you attend all three sessions. Email me if you are interested in attending, seating is limited, vinny@wechoselove.com .
Socially, one of the things people battling mental health issues is first, many of the people who fill the rolls of friends are paid to be there. Especially in regard to Mental Health issues research has shown is what folks need most is someone to be there friend, to simply spend time with them. Concerning addiction, often an individual’s social contacts are all people with addictions or recovering. Its important that they build and rebuild relationships with people outside these circles. Interestingly, in the last months of her life Lauren worked hard at reconnecting with friends as far back as High School that loved her and were great encouragements to her. I believe their conversations and desire to reconnect with Lauren really meant a lot to her.
Lastly, Spiritually, in todays world of super fueled drugs thanks to synthetics like car-fentanyl, which is 10,000 times more powerful than morphine, I do not know how someone can overcome addiction without Gods help. The good news is He is willing to help!
For the record the fentanyl that is talked about so much today mixed with heroin and other drugs is not even remotely like the fentanyl that is manufactured for the pain management of cancer patients. They are two very different substances. If you know someone suffering with bone cancer, you know why drugs like this are necessary.
The more of these five fronts we are fighting our Mental Health or Addiction disorder on the higher our chances of continued success.
When Laurens anxiety was out of control, her mom was her source of comfort and strength. Lauren would lean on her tremendously. Her mom was the first person she would turn to for help and support. Your loved one needs someone like that in their life
Lauren also found great comfort in coloring the popular anti-stress coloring books that are available today. She loved her time doing these books. It is something that started for her very early in life. To the right is a special gift she made for me when she learned about Joseph and his coat of many colors in the Bible. She was very little at the time, you can also see her trademark “heart” in the center of the plate. For me, it is priceless!
After the lose of a loved one because of addiction the question that relentlessly pursues you is “Did I do enough?” Sadly, it is a question that can’t be answered, and even if it could be, what would it change? What is important is that you be able to say that “We did all we knew to do”. If Nereida and I had known about the CRAFT model we would have sought training in it to help Lauren. In hind sight I would have pushed Lauren more towards individual counseling and treatment. That worked better for her. Zero in on what helps your loved one the most, and do it, the best experts are you and your loved one.
I would also encourage you to not exclude the possibility that your loved one may be battling a serious Mental Health issue that is behind the addiction.
Pastor Vinny, I read all your posts and each one is very familiar, of course pertaining to my daughter we lost. Particularly the way she described things moving so fast. My Aja told me the same thing and she was elated one day leaving a new doctor that he knew exactly how she was feeling. “Like driving in a car and other cars speeding by so fast you couldn’t see them”. She said that’s how this Dr had described EXACTLY how she felt in her mind and was diagnosed with bipolar at that time. She was already on anti anxiety meds.
I constantly pray for God’s comfort to help me as I doubt myself in that I did enough for her. I keep praying and continue to pray for you and your family. 🙏🏻