Hollowness

Many times as I journey an unknown course navigating the loss of my daughter I often lock on to a word that describes that particular season of emotion. Lately, as 2020 has whined down and 2021 has begun that word seems to be “Hollow”. Even saying the word causes me to feel its emptiness, I hear the cavernous sound hollowness makes, and for me, it invokes sensations of coldness. It can come from nowhere. A memory, an image, or just a statement that reminds me of the fathomless truth that my daughter, LaLa, is no longer in this earthly realm. It feels so hollow as this image demonstrates.

I can’t and should not dwell there, I simply describe what a moment out of nowhere can feel like. For as the ancient author Paul says, my wife, my son, and myself “grieve but not like people who have no hope.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13)

Facing a long-term addiction or mental health issue can cause the same for many of us, a sense of hollowness. This is true whether I am the impacted individual or a caring friend or loved one. Sometimes it is all very hard!

Being in the state of Ambivalence can cause this. I have talked about “Ambivalence” before. It is not necessarily a bad thing. It can be an indicator of progress for someone battling addiction or mental health, but it is not easy, it feels a lot like riding one of those crazy roller coasters my daughter Lauren loved so much.

There is a way off the roller coaster, or at least a way to slow it down, action. I have a friend who is extremely involved in NA (Narcotics Anonymous), for good reason, he has overcome a very serious addiction to heroin effectively. I once heard him say “Intentions avail nothing”, thanks Joe. We all have them don’t we, intentions, some good, some not so much.

It is not wrong to have intentions, the point is intentions alone can not accomplish anything alone.

Most people who are addicted are far enough in “Ambivalence” to want to stop. Most people that love someone battling addiction have intentions of building a healthier relationship with that person they care about. What may be missing is the how, we will talk about this more in next weeks blog, The second thing that may be missing is an action. Not necessarily BIG action, just some action.

For some loving someone in the struggle of ambivalence, it might be taking an action that can build trust and connection while maintaining integrity in my position to not condone drug use. If I am fighting the addiction personally, maybe I need to call and see if there is a bed available. Maybe I need to allow myself to be accountable to someone I trust. Maybe I need to fight as we spoke about in last weeks post “Unexpected”.

Take a step, even a small one in the right direction right now!

This week’s featured image is by my favorite photographer Brooke Shaden. It is entitled “Hollow Places”