Her Life Mattered

A week ago Monday, July 6^th 2026, marked the 9^th year Anniversary of our daughter Laurens, LaLa, passing from this life to the next.

As you could imagine it is always a day, week, month etc. marked by mixed emotions.

One question I often ask is Why?  Logically I understand that LaLa struggled with extreme anxiety. Gabor Mate has some excellent teaching on people/children that have a higher level of sensitivity to the world making them more vulnerable. Read more about that here.

In Laurens life this later  morphed into anorexia. Anorexia played a huge part in her struggles. To get a heart wrenching perspective on the impact of anorexia watch the documentary THIN . It is graphic, painful, and extremely eye opening. It was my first exposure to trying to understand anorexia. After watching it I wept for my daughter. I wept for our family and every other person loving someone fighting an eating disorder.

Regarding addiction, having been an addict, I knew how that worked, I thought. In reality I could not fully understand how much more powerful and addictive drugs are today. Read this overview to see why https://share.google/aimode/5mUPutRCdh2WOrnxt .

THIS SEEMS SO SENSELESS

This is what I hate, IT’S SENSELESS. My daughter passing away made and still doesn’t, no sense. To me it seems like a waste of a beautiful life. She had so much potential!

HER LIFE MATTERED

Reflecting on the 9 years since Lauren passed away and the 22 years, she LIVED I see she made a difference. Her life counted, it mattered. People struggle with meaning and purpose today, I know I do. I feel it comes down to making this world better for someone because our paths crossed. I often ask myself “Did any one today in any way feel better because we interacted. Some days I am not so sure.

IN DARK PLACES HER LIGHT SHINED

There were several girls that shared with us that Lauren went out of her way to make them feel welcome and accepted. This happened throughout her high school years. It also happened in several treatment programs she was in for addiction or anorexia. More than a few girls have said that ‘LaLa’ still inspires their recovery!

Lauren must have had a unique ability to sense when others felt unaccepted and out of place. I think because she often felt that way.

SHE DIDN’T STOP AT SEEING SHE DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT

Her brother once shared with me that he felt Lauren had a gift. The unique ability to be in conversation with a person and cause them to feel that they were important to her. In Evans words “You might be talking to her about something you knew she was not really interested in. For her that did not matter because  she was interested in YOU.” He went on to share how much he missed that and felt uncertain if he would ever find someone to fill that great void. I hope he will or has.

AN UNEXPECTED DIALOGUE

On June 19^th 2017 LaLa made this post on Facebook.

It was in response to an article written by Brianna Lyman called “Stop Calling Your Drug Addiction A Disease | The Odyssey Online .” It was also the first time Lauren made a public statement regarding her addiction. That was a HUGE step for LaLa. I was so proud of her for making that statement. I was equally proud of how she reached out to Brianna and they had a very productive conversation about the article, Laurens addiction and perhaps other things I am not aware of. You can read the complete story in   A Moment of Great Pride | We Chose Love .

When Lauren passed away, I reached out to Brianna to let her know Lauren died. I thanked her for the respectful way they interacted with each other even though, for the moment their opinions were different.

Several years later Brianna was asked to speak on Fox news in one of their reports on the tragic killing of Rob and Michele Reiner. One of the things she said was “Addicts are much more than their addiction they are loved ones and they matter to people.”  WOW that is so true.

SMALL ACTS CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Late in the evening December 17th 2025 I received this message: “

Hi Vinny. You probably don’t remember me. We connected in 2018, when you informed me Lauren had passed away. You had seen a conversation her and I had about a drug addiction article I wrote (and still, to this day, regret). I know this is random, but I just wanted to say I haven’t forgotten about your daughter and often think how you thanked me for doing something basic, treating her with “respect and kindness” because “One of the things that hurt her most was the fact that people would instantly assume certain things about her because she struggled with addiction.”

My uncle passed away in 2023. About a month before he passed away, he was in the ICU from a relapse overdose. And my mother asked why he wasn’t receiving a certain treatment, and he said “Des, come on. They don’t care about people like me. They see a junkie and they want me out of the bed. They think I’m a waste of time. They don’t know I have kids.” That was devastating but reminded me of your comments about Lauren.

Anyway, I bring this up to say I was on air last night talking about a recent comment from an activist that maligned all addicts. The old me may have said something different, but I used my time on air to remind viewers that addicts are more than their addiction and are people too who are loved by someone. Lauren and my uncle remind me of that daily. I hope you and your family are doing well. God Bless, Merry Christmas.”

I did remember Brianna, I did remember how meaningful that interaction was to Lauren. I also remember several times when Lauren felt like Brianna’s uncle while trying to get treatment.

MANY MUST FEEL THE SAME

Lauren touched lives in meaningful ways, in spite of having only 22 years. I guess the important question for those of us still here is are we using the time we are given to do the same?

I believe for many people Lauren met in treatment. Her twin brother Evan and others Briannas words ring true  “I just wanted to say I haven’t forgotten about your daughter.”  Thank you Lauren.

If you have a memory or thought about LaLa and how she may have impacted your life why not shre it on her FB page Facebook